Shades of Blue
by sepoveda
Summary: What the future holds for the Commander, his crew, and a glimpse at a post war galaxy.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**: Mass Effect Characters, Universe...etc, etc. belong to Bioware.

* * *

A gentle northern breeze wafted the smell of salt and surf through the air. A rhythmic onslaught of waves lapped over his bare feet. He scrunched his toes feeling the warm, wet sand between them. He watched the Thessian sunset with satisfaction. He'd fought for this peace, he felt her arms wrap around his waist and the gentle weight of her body against his own.

"We found our peace and happiness." Her gentle laughter was intoxicating. He tried to remember being this happy and failed. He turned in her embrace and kissed her gently. He trailed kisses down to the hollow of her neck.

"I would have to agree Commander." She inhaled sharply as he gently nipped at the tender flesh of her neck. "While I enjoy your many talents involving my body, we have guests waiting for us to return."

"Let them wait." His hands moved down the satin dress, finding her ample backside, while his mouth moved back up tracing the delicate line of her jaw.

"Shepard, my mother taught me better." She pushed him gently away, planting a chaste kiss upon his lips. She turned grabbing his hands and pulled the reluctant solider behind her.

"Why must we constantly entertain dignitaries?"

"I would hardly classify our friends as dignitaries. However my position as the shadow broker allows me the latitude to make you a proposition. I will provide one night of pure ecstasy in return for your cooperation in this dinner party."

The Commander broke into a slight jog dragging his Asari lover behind him. Her laughter made him come to an abrupt stop, turn, and pick her up into a fireman's carry. He sprinted the final distance to the veranda.

He dropped her onto her feet and accepted the indignant stare with a mischievous grin. She shook her head smoothed out the creases on her dress. She looked him over and straightened his N7 polo shirt.

"I guess asking you to wear nice slacks, instead of cargo shorts was too much?" The grin broadened.

She turned in exasperation and opened the door to the house. They entered to the cheers of their friends.

James was the first to greet him, "Loco, finally we can get this party started."

"I thought you would have preferred the company of some Asari maiden than my sorry ass."

"I have been ruined for all Asari by the Doc, the only one in the Galaxy hot enough for me and she's into old men."

"I would have to disagree, she's into handsome men. That's why you had no shot."

"Well Doc, if you ever get tired of the geriatric just give me a call."

The object of their conversation simply walked away rolling her eyes.

"Let's go get us a drink since you have effectively driven the most beautiful woman in the room away."

The two friends moved towards the bar, where Jack had already hijacked the vodka bottle.

"Finally decide to stop playing on the beach boy scout?"

James smirked, "Loco a boy scout, hardly."

"Well he's done some crazy shit. However I've done crazier."

"So you took down a reaper single handed?"

"No, just helped with the human reaper on the collector base. I don't see much difference still crazy shit."

The commander suddenly had a headache. He'd lost track of the conversation. He felt as if the room was fading away. Suddenly Liara was by his side her hand on his cheek.

"Are you alright?" The concern furrowed her brow and darkened her cerulean eyes.

"Fine now, I just feel kind of funny when you're not near me."

A sad smile crossed her lips, "You don't lie very well."

He couldn't help but chuckle, "I used to tell you that."

A genuine smile lightened her features, "Well one has to learn if they want to grow up to be the Shadow Broker."

He slid an arm around her waist and looked around the room. He smiled at the sight of James and Jack trying to drink on another under the table. Mordin and Thane were discussing the Keprel's Syndrome. Ashley was explaining poetry to EDI. The room was missing some familiar faces, but he was happy in the moment.


	2. Chapter 2

He curled up to Liara's sleeping form. He remembered a time when sleep had been something to dread. His dreams were now of old friends and family. Liara by his side he'd found peace. He let sleep take him.

"_Do you remember that time when your father and I took you to the beach for the first time? You loved the feel of the sand in your toes. We spent the whole day watching you build sand castles and marveling at the starfish." His mother's voice brought with it images of the past._

_The waves crashed against the rocks further down the shore. Little Cole Shepard ran along the beach with his father. A tall muscular man, he picked up his son and smiled. Cole enjoyed the fact he looked so much like this man he admired. He was a hero. _

"_You've gotten big since the last time I saw you. Are you sure you're only six?" _

_The boy smiled and rolled his eyes, "I'm six and a half." _

_His father carried the boy on his hip as if he were still just a toddler, "Well now that means it's been six months since I've seen you. Next thing you know you'll be a man with a wife and kids." _

_The child made a face of disgust, "I don't want a wife, girls are boring all they care about is their hair and don't like getting dirty." _

_His father's laughter seemed to irritate the boy as he struggled to get free. "I don't like when you laugh at me." _

_His father set him down and knelt before him. "I am not laughing at you. I remember when I felt the exact same way, then I met you mom. She doesn't mind getting dirty and as you know isn't too worried about her hair. Someday you'll find a girl that is everything you want." _

_The boy still seemed a little indignant, but hugged his father to make sure he knew all was forgiven. _

"_Promise you won't be mad if I decide I still don't want a wife." _

_His father kissed his forehead. "I love you, and don't care if you decide to marry a krogan or be a bachelor your entire life. Now that we got that straight we need to talk man to man." _

_The boy looked at his father and suddenly imitated the soldier's on his mother's ship. He took a parade rest stance and looked as grim as he could. _

_His father smiled at the gesture and continued. "I want to know what you think about spending the next six month tour with me on the SSV Grissom." _

_The boy lost all sense of military bearing as he threw his arms around his father's neck, screaming with delight, "_


	3. Chapter 3

He awoke to another beautiful Thessian morning. He turned to find himself the sole occupant of the bed. He rolled out of bed and adjusted himself through his pajama pants. He went in search of Liara. Voices could be heard as he moved down the hall toward the dining room. The walls were lined with a collection of holos of family, friends, and former crew members. The sound of familiar voices and the memories the holos invoked gave him a sense of happiness.

"It's time." Thane's voice always reminded him of the sound of a stick running along a fence.

"I know." The sadness in Liara's voice sent a chill up his spine. He'd heard it a few times in the past few months.

He entered the room and all eyes turned in his direction. The sadness in Liara's voice was reflected on all the faces of the room. A dull ache started to creep into his chest. He recognized it as fear. It was his constant companion for years. Fear he would fail, that someone would die, or that he might not keep a promise.

"Why the long faces?" He entered his Commander Façade, keeping his voice light.

"It's time for you to go, skipper." Ashley's voice reflected the sadness of her features.

"I have no plans to go anywhere, Ash." He felt the fear in his chest spread into his right arm.

Liara stood and embraced him. He considered he was having a heart attack, what he thought was fear was actually pain.

"Its okay skipper, I still don't regret a thing." The pain was moving throughout his body. It was like the pain was caused by his blood itself. He could hear it rushing in his ears. When the dull ache reached his head he remembered something.

"_It's okay Commander. I don't regret a thing."_

Suddenly there was a tremor and he could see a crack in the ceiling. A single black jagged line in the pristine white ceiling, he couldn't stop staring at it.

"I will return to the ocean, know that I will pray for you Commander." Thane's voice seemed to be coming from the end of a very long tunnel.

"_He was praying for you."_ Another tremor and the crack extended.

He tightened his grip on Liara, "What's going on?"

"Delaying your return could be problematic. It has to be you."

"_Someone else might have gotten it wrong." _

Another tremor and the crack ran along the entire ceiling. The pain in his head became overwhelming. He released his hold upon Liara and fell to his knees. He cradled his head in both of his hands. He felt Liara's hand upon his shoulder. The pain reminded him of Eden Prime. It didn't take long for the realization to hit him. These were his memories. Thane died, so did Mordin. Shepard was convinced he was losing his mind. He heard Liara's gentle voice.

"You are not losing your mind. You must go and so you must remember."

The flood gates opened and the world shuttered. The reaper invasion of earth, Liara on Mars, Garrus on Palaven, Mordin on Sur'Kesh, his death on Tachunka, Thane's sacrifice on the Citadel, the entire reaper war and finally the beam on Earth. The memories stopped until suddenly the ceiling collapsed and dissolved into smoke and ash in the red laser beam of Harbinger.

The world dissolved until he found himself running toward the beam. He wanted to stop, but was trapped in the memory. He was reliving the beam run.

In the chaos of battle watching people disintegrate around him and Makos explode. Suddenly a Mako was hurtling through the air towards him. He slid just in time to stop before it crashed down to earth. He stopped, taking cover behind the destroyed vehicle.

He looked back and watched Liara and Vega running towards him. Another Mako flew overhead toward his squad mates. He instinctively moved to run toward them. He was stopped by the warm rush of dark energy; he looked up to see Liara push him back into safety. In the same instant she barely avoided being crushed by the vehicle.

In the next moment a red beam was scorching the earth in front of where the pair struggled to regain their feet. She reached out, he could read her lips, "I love…" she was gone. He looked away and felt a burning pain in his chest.

His eyes burned with tears as he looked back, to find a crater where Liara and Vega had been. The pain had turned to rage. She was promise that made him fight. He'd lost his happiness in a moment. He turned and ran.

He'd lost his footing and was hit by the red beam. He was ready to give up and die. Then he remembered the little blue children he'd promised. He moved despite the pain. He stood up, pistol in hand and stumbled towards the beam.

The rest of the memory passed quickly, killing a marauder, the illusive man, and finally the child. He remembered the choice. He remembered the anger. He didn't want to control or combine. He wanted to destroy. The reapers had destroyed everything that mattered to him. He didn't care about the galaxy in that moment. He killed them all because they killed Liara and his hope for a future.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note:** So this is a really short chapter. It took me awhile to get it right. I wanted to have Anderson have this conversation, but it didn't fit. In the end I realized that only one person would be able to help him. I will try to update frequently, unfortunately sometimes the story sets it's own pace.

* * *

Commander Shepard stood staring at the scorch mark, the only memorial of her death. He could feel her presence behind him.

"It wasn't real was it?"

"You used the places from our memories to create the world around us. The rest of us are real. We came because you needed us. In life or death we will always be here for you."

She stood in silence watching him stare at the sight of her demise.

"I don't even know if I'm alive or dead. It's like waking up in the Cerberus station all over again."

"We were with you on the Citadel as you slowly grew closer to death. Alliance personnel arrived and brought you back for medical care. You were dead for a total of three minutes, before Miranda arrived in time to restart your nanites and effectively save your life. You have been alive since then, however you have been placed in a medical coma to allow them to mend your wounds."

"I failed you Liara."

The asari seemed to glide toward the object of her affection and roughly grabbed his shoulder spinning him around to face her.

"You have never failed me. You could never fail me. I love you. I may be dead, but you succeeded in saving the Galaxy. That has been our singular goal in the past four years. How can you even think you failed?"

He felt his own rage and shame build within him.

"I failed, in the end I compromised who I was out of vengeance. I let EDI and the Geth die, just because I lost you. I should have found another way, I should have destroyed them for every life lost not just one."

She smiled gently taking his face into her hands.

"You didn't compromise with the catalyst. It wanted you to take control or combine life. It didn't want you to destroy the reapers. I know you and your heart as well as my own. EDI and the Geth can be rebuilt, you will find a way. You should also know that I was nothing more than a symbol of all that was lost. I was so innocent and naïve when we met. You watched the knowledge of the reapers strip that away and leave a hardened pained Asari. How many people shared that pain?"

She watched the tears in his eyes and kissed him with all the love in her heart. She ended the kiss and looked into his eyes.

She watched the doubt turn to resolve.

"I love you, I will be at your side until your death."

"I love you too. I'll always come back to you."

She smiled.

"I know."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note:** I have had to live with this part of the story for some time. Unfortunately, it has been the most frustrating. This chapter has been written three times. The root of the problem was whose POV to take. Hannah Shepard was the obvious voice of the chapter, but I couldn't figure out the other character. Oddly enough a chapter I was working on for a week was written in two hours when I found the other voice and changed the scene slightly.

* * *

Matricarch Lidanya escorted the Alliance Admiral to the human ward of the Ascension. The ward had been part of a retrofit after the Battle of the Citadel. The reality of battle proved that they would need to be ready to tend to the wounded of many races. They'd commissioned both a Turian and Human ward as they were the dominant fighting forces for the Council.

She was trying to identify what she was feeling yet failed again. She thought back to her maiden years surely there was something somewhere in her nearly thousand years of experience similar to this moment. She finally felt the tendrils of a memory, it seemed to try to evade her grasp. She finally found that moment in time.

* * *

_Lidanya's mother is fussing with her dress for the tenth time since they'd begun their journey to the temple._

"_Mother! I look fine, please relax your making me nervous."_

_Her mother's eyes shine in amusement. "I am not nervous, just trying to calm YOUR nerves. In case you haven't noticed, you keep wrinkling the dress with the constant clutching of the fabric."_

_She looked down and saw her mother was correct. She was nervous this was a big day for any Asari. She closed her eyes and bowed her head summoning all her inner strength._

"_Fear is a tool like any other. Harness the power within it and focus it into the weapon it was meant to be." _

_She lifted her head and walked into the temple her fear converted into a calm focus of intensity._

_She approached the High Priestess and bowed ever so slightly. She looked upon the priestess._

"_I am Lidanya T'Anlos, daughter of Matriarch Solana T'Anlos. I stand before you as a follower of the Goddess Athame. A believer in her doctrines and defender of her followers, I seek entry into the Lucen Guard." She bowed her head awaiting the response._

_She sensed the High Priestess' approach as she kept her eyes cast upon the ground. Most of the temples had the finest Thessian marble, but this was the Temple of Serrice and its floor was to be pure. The bedrock below was fashioned into a foundation so the floor would be made of Thessian soil. _

_The Priestess placed a lone finger upon her chin and raised her head. She felt a pulse of dark energy envelope her body. It was gone the instant the finger was removed._

"_Lidanya daughter of Solana T'Anlos your request is denied. Your destiny is greater than you know. It would be a crime against the Goddess' doctrines to keep you hidden in a temple. You will hold the light of the Galaxy in your bosom as it begins to flicker. It will be your responsibility to make sure it isn't extinguished before it's time. The path before you is designed to prepare you for what must be done. Go now and forge your path to your future and know you carry a Galaxy upon your shoulders."_

* * *

Awe was not something Asari felt often. They lived so long things often seemed predictable or routine. She was thrust into the path of the greatest hero the galaxy had ever know and this was the woman that gave him life. A woman that created an exceptional individual and molded him into what he'd become. He fought the most powerful enemies and won. She had to admit meeting the High Priestess of Athame hadn't left her this awe-struck.

"Admiral Shepard your son has been successfully taken off Life Support and remains unresponsive to all attempts to wake him."

The two officers continued their trek through the corridor toward their destination.

"Call me Hannah, I refused the opportunity to become an Admiral after my son's death a few years ago. Now with the death of the majority of the Admiralty on Earth, I am obligated to take up the mantle. It still doesn't mean I'm used to it yet. I understand you are responsible for him even being alive, so I think you've earned the right to call me by my first name."

She smiled and nodded in response. "It was the least I could do. Your son saved the Ascension, my crew, and myself during the Battle of the Citadel."

The Admiral stopped and looked at the Matriach. The face was very similar to the Commander's own. Her dark brown eyes matched that of her skin, a strong chin and cheekbones dominated the face. The seriousness of the look in those dark eyes belied their intellect.

"Disregarding direct orders and falling back within the Sol System was very courageous. I will never understand how he makes those around him risk everything for him. Thank you for what you have done. You shame me. I have wished this was happening to someone else's son for months now. Speaking with you I realize it couldn't have happened to anyone else."

The Admiral turned and they continued walking.

"Thank you for your kind words Adm….Hannah. We also have the remains of his bond mate, Dr. T'Soni on board in a stasis pod. I believed he might wish to see them, before we return her to Thessia."

The human woman stopped in her tracks, her features melted into one of shock, anger, and finally settled in grief.

"I was unaware of their…relationship, yet alone their bonding."

"I am sorry I am the one to notify you. Dr. T'Soni uploaded the bonding documents along with witness statements from Major Kaiden Alenko, Garrus Vakarian, and Dr Karin Chakwas to the electronic democracy just prior to the assault on Earth. The documentation was in order and the Witnesses confirmed their statements since that time. We must assume he didn't get the chance to tell you with the assault being imminent."

The human's face morphed back into one of professionalism and she continued to walk down the corridor.

"Whatever the reason it doesn't matter. The reality is that his bond mate is dead, his father is missing, and God knows how many others he cared about were lost. I don't know why he hasn't woken up, but I can't say I look forward to him waking up as much now. I don't know how to tell him how much he's lost."

The Asari nodded, "I think he is aware of Dr. T'Soni's passing. According to the reports her remains, what was left of her remains were found on the way to the beam. It is most likely he watched her demise. I must also warn you that Dr. T'Soni's father Matriarch Aethyta is also present. She wishes to hear for herself about her daughter's death. Her father was a Krogan and she's a bit…aggressive."

They stopped in front of the door to the Commander's room. She gave the human a moment to collect herself. Once the woman nodded, Lidanya opened the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the wait on this one. It took a while for it to formulate. I find A Heart of Darkness to be the more vibrant and dominate in it's course, so this kind of takes a backseat. I don't do this by choice, but due to my refusal to force stories. Keep in mind when reading this that I believe time is relative to the plane of existence one is experiencing.

* * *

The couple walked down a dirt road beneath a beautiful sunset. The Asari laid her head upon his shoulder her arms wrapped around his own. The wisteria trees swung in the light southern breeze. A voice could be heard.

"_I've known you all your life. I know you will wake up when you're good and ready. I just want you to know I will be here waiting."_

He stopped walking and looked up at the sky.

"What was that? It sounded like my mom."

The Asari kissed him on the cheek, "It was her. You are becoming aware of your surroundings. It is the voice of the living. Before you go, there are a few people that want to see you."

They continued walking along the path, it opened into a clearing. There were two men standing in the field.

"Anderson? Dad?"

The two men that had formed the Great Commander Shepard smiled at his confusion.

"You're both dead?"

Anderson stepped forward and hugged him. He stepped back again.

"I just wanted to say goodbye and ask you to take care of Kahlee for me."

The commander felt tears on his cheeks and quickly wiped them away.

"Yes, Sir. I seemed to be incapable of saving those closest to me."

His father stepped forward placing a hand on his shoulder.

"You saved enough. I know it doesn't feel like it, but sometimes what we lose makes us fight harder for what's left."

The Commander shook his head. He didn't want to fight anymore. He was tired and wanted to let it all go. The three others standing around him all smiled at him.

"It is not in your nature, my love." She lightly shook her head.

His father squeezed his shoulder, "We are all proud of you, and none of us want you to come back until it's your time. Think you can do that for me soldier?"

"Yeah, but before I go….I know I haven't said it in a while. I love you." He hugged his father as fiercely as he could, wishing he wouldn't go away."

"I love you too."

His father pushed him away gently. He placed both hands behind his son's head and gently kissed his forehead as if he were still a little boy. He completed a flawless salute, about face, and walked away. Anderson slapped him on the shoulder once and followed his father into the distance. They disappeared into the fog.

He turned to Liara. The tears returned to his eyes.

"Are you leaving now?"

She laughed; it reminded him of his mother's wind chimes on a quiet night.

"I will never leave you. I no longer have a mortal form, but we will never again be separated by distance. You will hear my voice within your head. I will haunt your dreams shamelessly. It may not seem like much, but it is what drove me for two years without you."

He pulled her into an embrace. He hoped that just holding her would make the moment last forever.

She pulled her head back and kissed him fiercely, showing him all the passion within her spirit. He dared not close his eyes, trying to memorize every feature.

He felt his physical form disintegrate. It was an incomprehensible feeling of disconnection. A bright white light enveloped him and his once physical body. His body became as solid as smoke and he could sense his spirit being dragged back. He fought it until he felt her spirit mixing with his own; he realized she was dragging him back. Her spirit was bonded to his own. One could not return without the other.

* * *

Javik stood at the far end of the room staring out the only window. He was keeping his distance from the entourage of dignitaries and much of the Normandy crew. Lt. Vega seemed to be the only one that didn't mind his company. It suited the Prothean fine. The group's pheromones were sufficiently irritating him.

The arrival of the Commander's mother with the Captain of the vessel caught his attention. He'd seen glimpses of her in the Commander's memories. Her role in forming an avatar of this cycle gained her his immediate respect. He could see her strength in the way she carried herself. Her pheromones added to his nausea from the overload of fear and anger.

The bickering dignitaries had stopped out of respect. He was thankful for small favors. The doctor from the Normandy approached her.

"Admiral Shepard, he was removed from all life support thirty minutes ago and shows no signs of being responsive. However his brain scans indicate he should be awake." Her grey eyes conveying concern.

The woman only nodded at the news. She looked around the room at the assorted group of aliens.

Javik turned back to the window and into his own thoughts. He thought little of the leaders of this cycle. A mere few months from the destruction of the Reapers and their alliance was showing cracks. Would the Empire have fared any better? Probably not, there were many that resented their domination. The Empire would have recovered eventually they were still the strongest in their cycle.

He didn't hear the question posed to him; instead he was brought out of his thoughts when Vega nudged him.

"What do you want human?" There was no point in being polite; he would be dead once he found a way to his fallen comrades.

Vega nodded towards the Commander's mother.

"I believe you are the Prothean?"

He squared his shoulders and faced the woman, nodding in response.

"I hear you have the ability to use touch to know a person's thoughts. What can you tell me about my son's condition?"

His four eyes narrowed. The room was silent, but all eyes turned to the Prothean.

"You assume I would willingly violate his privacy."

"My understanding is that Protheans communicated through touch, I don't think your society had an expectation of privacy."

His eyes narrowed further.

"Humph, I see your son inherited a great deal of your wisdom. He is not within that form. I do not know where his being is or if it will return. I just sense an empty vessel."

An assortment of gasps filled the room. The newly minted Admiral Shepard simply looked down. Staring at her son, no one spoke. He found the woman deserved his respect in her own right. She gave off every indication of fear and grief, but her voice was strong and commanding.

"I've known you all your life. I know you will wake up when you're good and ready. I just want you to know I will be here waiting."

The silence was broken after a few moments when the bio bed alarms started going off. Dr Chakwas nimbly moved to the alarms and began manipulating the machine.

"What is it?" The fear in her voice was noticeable for the first time.

The Prothean spoke, before Chakwas could respond.

"He has returned."

The entire room just looked at him. That was until they all heard a whispered moan.

"Liara."


	7. Chapter 7

He awoke, but kept his eyes closed. What did he have to do today? They were at war, no he fired the crucible. He'd won. He had obviously been injured. Liara he had to find Liara. I have to find her.

"Liara."

He felt a hand smoothing out the creases in his forehead. His first thought was that it was her, not Liara the hands were soft. Liara's were calloused, between the years digging for ruins and those that followed firing guns. Who else would do such a thing? He opened his eyes. His eyes were slow to focus. It was a face he'd known his entire life. Her soft brown eyes looked down at him with great sadness.

"Mom?"

She smiled at him with tears in her eyes.

"I would appreciate it, if you would stop holding these family reunions in med bays."

The smile was brief; he couldn't smile until he found her.

"Mom, I have to find Liara."

She looked away. He felt his stomach drop. Only once in his life did his mother avoid his gaze. It was the day she told him his Uncle James had died. It could only mean one thing. He lay back staring at the ceiling. He was trying to remember. He always kept her at his side. He wanted to make sure she was protected, and no one could do a better job than himself. He forced himself to focus on his last memories.

A voice he knew broke the silence.

"She's dead, because of you."

His mother's focus shifted, he watched as her face changed from soft and pliable to cold steel. He touched her hand. She immediately softened her features. He closed his eyes and thought back. He focused and remembered. Liara and James were hit. He vanquished his enemy with vengeance in his heart.

"You're right." He didn't try to hide the emotion in his voice.

"I was running towards her, I wanted to protect her. She used a biotic push to keep me out of the line of fire. The beam hit her and Vega."

A familiar voice forced him to open his eyes.

"Commander, I should have done something."

He sat bolt upright and looked over to see James. The left side of his face, neck, and arm was a wreck of melted tissue.

His voice was merely a husky whisper.

"I thought you were dead."

"When the call was made to retreat, your crew didn't. Kaiden found me and…"

He looked down at the floor. Clearing his throat he continued.

"He got me back to a field hospital. I just woke up about a month ago. She shielded me from…Why did she..." He just shook his head.

Shepard looked over at Liara's father.

"In the end she was your daughter. She had a quad on her."

The matriarch let out a weak laugh.

"Well she was a quarter Krogan."

Her tears fell without shame or care.

In his mind he heard an exasperated voice. _That's not how it works. _He couldn't stop the half hearted laugh that escaped his throat. Aethyta looked up.

"What's funny?"

"I just heard her in my head informing me that's not how it works."

The Matriarch smiled at him.

"Yeah, she keeps saying that."

"What happened to her… remains?"

The Captain of the Ascension stepped forward.

"They are onboard in the Cargo hold. We will be returning her to Thessia to take her place at her mother's side."

He placed his head in his hands. Yet another member of house T'Soni was dead because of him.

"Commander the Armali Council has declared you the final T'Soni. They have made an exception and allowed you full inheritance rights. They have asked that her body remain with you, until you are ready to complete the interment ceremony."

"Is that common?"

"You are now the most powerful person in the Galaxy. It is the first time in Asari history that someone of another species has been given the honor to attend the ceremony. Often there is a separate ceremony for a bond mate of another species."

He shook his head.

"I would rather have Liara."

The room fell silent with the exception of the sound of the volus' environmental suit's breathing unit.

He turned his attention to the contingent of diplomats. Some he knew others he didn't.

"I take it my newly minted Hero status is the reason for the Galactic welcoming committee."

The volus stepped forward as if on cue.

"Commander, the Council has been stone walling the efforts of the Galactic races to join the council. We hoped you would support our vision for an inclusive council."

Sparatus was never one to back away from a fight, and decided to chime in.

"We can discuss the inclusion of the races involved in the Reaper war on the council later. The Council is here to inform you that the Systems Alliance has nominated you to replace Councilor Udina. We need to know if you accept the position. There are a number of galactic affairs that need to be resolved. We need to get you up to speed in order to continue the rebuilding effort."

Han Garrel made a sound of disgust.

"I am here hoping you would use your influence with the council to force them to change the priority designation for the repair of the mass relay to the Perseus Veil, we need that relay operational."

Ever the peacemaker Tevos thought to explain their position.

"Rannoch hasn't seen the same level of devastation as the rest of the Galaxy. The other Mass Relays are the primary concern to rebuild those worlds affected by the war."

The commander turned back to his mother.

"How long has it been?"

"Two months."

He nodded. Two months and the alliances were falling apart without him.

"What's the status of the Geth and EDI?"

He watched her transition from her role as his mother to a Soldier. He remembered that subtle change, as a child had irritated him to no end. As a soldier he'd come to appreciate her for making the distinction.

"After the pulse from the crucible all Artificial and Virtual Intelligence ceased to exist."

"Where are we on their reactivation?"

"The reactivation of the Geth has been designated by the Council as too dangerous."

He shook his head and began to pinch the bridge of his nose as he considered whether he'd done the right thing by saving any of these people.

"Captain Shepard. What's the status of the scientists that worked on the Crucible?'

"It's Admiral now and they are currently working on the repair of the citadel. It took a month and a half for them to figure out how the relay network functioned and how to repair it."

"I need Dr Archer, Admiral Xen, and anyone else familiar with Geth technology to figure out how to get them back online. Do you think you can use your new position to make that happen?"

Councilor Tevos started to speak; he fixed her with an icy glare that silenced her.

His mother looked at him as if he were a stranger.

"Probably not, but they will do it as a personal favor for you. I don't think you understand the extent of your celebrity."

His brow furrowed as he shook his head.

"You could run for president of the entire Galaxy and win. People remember only one voice warning them about the Reapers. They lost faith in their leaders. They know you held the Galaxy together when it threatened to fall apart. They have faith and trust in you."

He placed his head in his hands and ran them back over his hair. When had his life become so complicated?

"I need some time. I would like to be alone with my family and friends if you don't mind. I will meet with all of you tomorrow."

The various diplomats headed for the door, with Aethyta following.

"Matriarch Aethyta, you're family."

The Asari stopped and smiled, before returning to the area she'd vacated.

He turned to his friends.

"I know at least one of you snuck some booze in here. I need a drink."

He watched as both Vega and Kaiden shimmied bottles down their pant legs. Tali pulled a flask out of one of her many suit hidey holes, and Dr Chakwas pulled out the glasses with her standard issue bottle of brandy. Once the drinks were poured and everyone had a glass. Their commander held his drink up and proposed a toast.

"We drink to those we lost. May they find peace until we find our way back to them."

They drank in silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **This story isn't one of my more popular ones, but I'm not one for leaving people hanging. I will continue to write it as long as it has followers. I will admit it's not updated as often, because the others have become more vivid for me. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

The Commander's room felt empty with everyone gone with the exception of Miranda and himself.

"So I take it they called you in to put humpty dumpty back together?"

Her brilliant blue eyes sparkled as she let forth a laugh.

"What is it Mordin used to say? Someone else might have gotten it wrong. I was never as arrogant as he was, in my heart anyway. I just talk a good game."

A smile tugged at his lips, but didn't truly form.

"Yeah he did. Thank you again Miranda."

It was her turn to look forlorn.

"I get the feeling you wish I hadn't brought you back this time."

He looked at her his brow furrowed in concern.

"Will you promise you won't think I'm crazy if I tell you something?"

She moved away from his bed to look out the window at the planet they orbited. The debris from the battle was obvious; some of it had entered the atmosphere. It was a beautiful display of burning red embers against the backdrop of the bright blue seas.

"How can I believe anything you say is crazy? I believed you about the Reapers, being able to get through the Omega 4 Relay, and that we could defeat the Reapers. I won't start disbelieving you now."

"Liara brought me back. I wanted to stay. I experienced a life of joy and happiness at her side for what felt like years. Then I wake up and she's…."

"I'm sure it has something to do with the Asari bonding process. I noticed how the Asari spoke of her as if she were still alive. I assumed it had to do with their beliefs, but if you say she brought you back I believe it."

They sat in silence for a long moment.

"You know Shepard. I have spent much of my life tied to men. I was first tied to my father and his selfish goals. Then the Illusive man and his human centric ideals, now I find myself tied to you. You were the man that told me that I needed to value myself and find my own goals. I never properly thanked you for that. So thank you."

A true smile brightened his features.

"Miranda, there's no need to thank me for the truth. I'm glad I could help you as much as you've helped me. So now what for the brilliant Ms. Lawson? Do you wander the galaxy looking for new challenges? Or do you plan to seek out love and start a family?"

Her smile waned.

"I have found love actually, but he doesn't know. As for children…that is something my perfect genes failed to make a possibility."

"I'm sorry Miranda. I…I knew. It was in the Shadow Broker files. I just figured you would adopt. There are a lot of orphans out there because of this war."

"Would a man want a woman that couldn't provide him with children?"

He looked down at his hands as if seeing them for the first time.

"A man that has lost everything would want…anything that makes him feel alive. Liara and I spoke of children. We almost conceived on our way to Earth, but I couldn't live with the possibility that my child wouldn't know me. Yeah I'm sure there would have been monuments and Vids, but it's not the same. I remember Liara's own pain when speaking of her then absent father."

He shook his head as if it would dispel the thoughts.

"I'm sorry. Well I guess we are just two broken people in a galaxy full of wrecked lives."

A bitter laugh escaped him.

"Yeah, well tell me about this mystery man that doesn't know you love him."

She turned to look at him and he saw the tears in her eyes.

"He's just a man like any other. It's just not the right time for us. We've both lost too much in this war for me to have any hope right now. I have to focus on Ori and the recovery of this galaxy. Maybe one day I'll revisit the issue, but right now I don't have it in me."

"Miranda, take it from someone that has known love. It's never the right time. I ran across the galaxy three times over and lost her once along the way. I would give anything to be in your position."

She nodded and looked away again.

"Maybe your right, but he will be there when I'm ready. I can only hope he is ready then.

He pulled his legs to his chest and held them in his arms.

"So what happened to Jack and why wasn't Joker here?"

She sighed, turned around and took a seat by his bed.

"She was organizing her students to cover the retreat of the unit they were supporting. A banshee appeared out of nowhere according to the reports. Jack jumped between it and a student. It impaled her with its arm. She had the last laugh though, used her biotics to severe its head. Her last words were 'No one Fucks with my students'. As for Joker, he hasn't left the AI core of the Normandy since EDI powered down. Especially since no one seemed interested in reactivating any of the synthetic allies, that is until you woke up."

"Yeah well I don't believe in abandoning my Allies just because the war is won. It discourages people from wanting to work with you in the future. "

She nodded

"So are you going to accept the Councilor position?"

"That's funny. No I am not. I'm not a diplomat Miranda. I never was and never will be."

"Says the hero that pulled every species together to save the Galaxy?"

"I didn't do that through diplomacy. I did it through hard work. It was tit for fucking tat. I had to run and save a Primarch, then save his son, then defuse a bomb, cure the Genophage, and then the Turians helped. It was the same fucking story for the Quarians, the Salarians, and Asari fell in line only because they were desperate. No, that wasn't diplomacy that was just bending over and taking it up the ass."

"Glad to see another near death experience hasn't killed the brain cells responsible for your wit."

"Yeah maybe I should become a philosopher. I could write about how to save the galaxy, but lose the most important thing in your life. I'm a bitter man Miranda. I had other options on that damn citadel, but I destroyed the reapers without so much as a thought. I was angry. I didn't think about the galaxy, just that fucking scorch mark that had been my life."

He cried for the first time since waking up. Miranda found herself holding the man she loved as he cried over the Asari he'd loved. She cried with him over the children neither of them would ever have.


	9. Chapter 9

Kaiden sat on the floor in the Destiny Ascension's cargo hold staring at the stasis pod. Inside rested the remains of Dr. Liara T'Soni. An empty bottle of whiskey lay on the floor next to him. He sat with his back against a cargo container, his legs spread before him as he drank from yet another bottle.

"Did you know I was in love with you? I knew you loved him and I secretly hated him for it." He looked away into the darkness of the cargo hold.

"You were so easy to talk to; I should have been able to tell you. Maybe it would have changed things. I'm sure you would have rejected me. Things would have been awkward after that. Do you remember that time I took a bullet for you? You stayed with me in the Med bay for three days. We talked about the Protheans, Brain Camp, and the things we wished we could do with biotics."

He took another swig from the bottle.

"Would things have been different if you'd loved me instead? I can't help but think you would be alive now had you loved someone else."

He finished off the bottle and tossed it aside. The tears ran from his eyes.

"Do you know how hard it was not to walk over to that bed and kill him myself? He doesn't deserve to live. Not with you in that box."

His head fell and he started to doze off, when he heard the hiss of the cargo door. He listened to the quiet clicking of boots upon the metal grating. He sat quietly hoping whoever it was would just leave. Instead a familiar form moved towards the stasis pod. The bluish glow of the pod illuminated the face of Specialist Traynor.

A lyrical English accent filled the hold.

"Hello, Dr. T'Soni. I know you are now one with the universe. I remembered you telling me of your religious beliefs from one of our many conversations. It was funny two scientists dashing through space to save the known galaxy. We weren't soldiers, but we did what we must. I miss you. No one has come close to beating me since our last match."

Kaiden listened to the voice as she started to cry. Mourning the loss of her friend, he felt as if he'd intruded upon something. He tried to get up as quietly as possible, but the alcohol had obliterated his sense of balance. He fell over and let out a groan. He heard the shriek of the surprised woman.

"Sorry." He managed to get onto his hands and knees before falling back into his original position.

"Major Alenko?"

She moved closer to the figure on the floor. She knelt before him and waved her hand in front of her face.

"Whew, had quite a bit to drink I see."

"Yeah. I just wanted to talk to her again."

He couldn't stop the tears that began to fall at the thought that he would never hear that voice again.

Traynor sat beside him. Placing an arm around him she pulled him into her embrace and let him cry.

"Shhh. We all miss her. I don't think I ever met a smarter person. Well maybe that salarian doctor."

He pulled away and wiped at his face with his hands.

"You should have met her in the old days. She was so innocent and sweet. She'd been through a lot by the time you met her. She was so different."

He shook his head as if he could change it all with the simple gesture.

"What was she like?"

He looked at her, his eyes reflecting a deep sorrow.

"She was the kindest soul I've ever met. She looked like an angel when we'd found her caught in that Prothean barrier. When we were attacked by a Krogan she cringed from the violence around her. It made me want to protect her from anything that would harm her."

"You loved her?"

The words were more a gasp than a question.

"Yeah, but you saw her with the Commander. It was like that from day one. She was drawn to him like a moth to a flame."

He laughed.

"She would've been confused by that reference. Anyway, as you can see in the end the flame burned too bright for her."

He looked off into the distance.

"Did she know?"

"Of course not she was in love with someone else. It wouldn't have mattered. I visited her on Illium every chance I got after the Commander died. I thought there was hope for something. Then word came down that he was alive. I confronted him on Horizon. After that she told me not to come back to Illium. She was furious with me."

"I'm sorry."

"Sam, there's no need to be sorry. It was her nature. She would fight to the death for any cause she believed in. It was what made her special. She believe in him above all else. She was right he did it."

"I know what you mean. Westmoreland made a comment about getting payback after the war. Liara lost it on her. She recited each war that broke out in the galaxy and the total number of casualties. She explained that the warmongers of the galaxy were no better than the Reapers. If she believed violence was the answer to our problems she was fighting on the wrong side of the war. She was truly amazing."

He nodded his agreement.

"I know you're not into men, but do you understand why?"

She looked at him with a look of confusion.

"Why what?"

"Do you understand why she couldn't see anyone but him?"

She raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"If I were to be honest, there are similarities between the two of you. The main difference is that where you were cautious and careful, he was bold and daring. He often rushed forward to protect without regard of the personal cost. She saw that spark within him. It exists within you, but it's not as vibrant. I'm sure given time she would have come to love you."

Kaiden looked at her his eyes pleading.

"Do you think she'd be alive it she hadn't loved him?"

"No. She would have still followed him into battle regardless. She believed in his cause. She wanted peace for this galaxy and she wouldn't stand on the sidelines to let us soldiers fight that battle alone."

Kaiden looked down.

"You're right. I don't know if I can go on. I lived my life since the day I met her hoping for something more. I've lost my parents, some of my students, and now the love of my life. Why did I have to make it out alive?"

Traynor seemed to withdraw into herself for a moment.

"I don't know how you can go on, but I go on for her. The next generation of Asari, Turians, Humans, Salarian, and every other species need to know what this war cost. I will go on so I can tell as many people I can about the incredible Asari I met. I want people to know about her exquisite mind, the way she could comfort with a mere look, and most of all her enormous heart. If we didn't go on, how would any of them know?"

Kaiden looked at the stasis pod.

"Yeah, would you mind helping me back to the Normandy?"

Traynor got up and helped her superior to his feet.

"Sure, I owe you one."

He looked at her with confusion.

"For what?"

"I had the same questions. I loved her a little too. It makes sense after all. Everyone that wasn't in love with him was in love with her. Could you blame them for falling in love with one another?"

Kaiden laughed bitterly and shook his head.

"I guess not."

The two soldiers made their way back to the Normandy.

* * *

**A/N: **I know I don't update as much as I should on this one, but it's a little harder than my other stories. There are a lot more voices that need to be heard. I will try to update as often as possible. Thank you for the reviews and the follows. I read all reviews, PM, and take them under consideration in upcoming chapters.


	10. Chapter 10

The Normandy is quiet for the first time since its creation. Most of the marines that manned the vessel were on Earth assisting with the recovery, those not on earth have taken to exploring the Ascension. Two weary souls make their way to the crew quarters to sleep off the sadness of loss and grief. One of the few sounds of life can be found in the med bay.

Garrus had sterilized the bay and himself in anticipation of a quiet evening with the object of his affections. They lay in one another's arms atop the two bio beds that had been pushed together. Tali traced the scars on the Turian's abdomen and sighed in contentment.

"That's how you calibrate a Quarian."

She laughed at his joke.

"I am going to need to be calibrated a few more times to be sure everything is in working order."

Garrus placed his free hand on his chest.

"I'm offended. My calibrations are never off, I assure you it will last until morning."

She slapped his chest mockingly. His arm pressed possessively around the body draped over his own he gave a squeeze. He ran his hand over her purple skin. His contentment was short lived as he felt the claws of guilt and doubt wrenching into his heart.

"What's wrong?"

"How do you know something's wrong?"

"We've known each other too long for you to hide anything from me Vakarian. Don't make me get my shotgun."

A bitter laugh rattled his mandibles.

"Are you sure this is what you want?"

The quarian sat up and looked into his eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

He sighed and extracted himself from her grasp before sitting on the edge of the makeshift bed.

"He told me about your proposition when we were going after the Collectors. Am I just the consolation prize?"

He refused to look at her the fear had been gnawing at him since his friend had awakened. Liara's gone, he's available and it seemed everyone wanted the Hero. _No one ever wants to be with the sidekick._

"How could you say that? Is that what you think of me?"

He shook his head.

"What am I supposed to think? You've never mentioned it. His love for Liara was the only thing standing in the way and now…."

He couldn't say it, wouldn't admit out loud that she was gone. It hurt. He'd felt guilt for months that so many of the people he'd loved survived. He still had his father, sister, and the love of his life. His friend had nothing, but his mother. His father was probably dead, though definitely missing. He'd watched the Asari he loved die. It was heartbreaking and he felt guilty for having so many of his loved ones survive.

He took Tali's silence as a confirmation and started to get up when he felt her finger poking into his shoulder.

"You bosh'tet, I never mentioned it because it didn't matter. Do you want a full dating history including all the guys that have declined my advances?"

She started mumbling a string of Quarian curses. He turned and stared at her. She was still naked and he had to force his gaze to remain on her face.

"I'm sorry. I just…I couldn't stand it if I lost you. I feel so damn selfish. I worry that my wit and charm won't be enough to keep you satisfied."

Her features softened.

"Garrus. It's not your wit and charm I'm after. I told you before I'm just using you for your body. So don't worry about anything else."

"You're still mean and I'm still fine with that."

He turned around and took her into his arms. He trailed kisses down her neck. He felt her hands on his body. Garrus forgot about his guilt and sadness, drowning in his desire his thoughts revolved around Tali.

* * *

Karin Chakwas walked by the Med Bay knowing exactly what was going on. She was just happy there was still some joy to be found. She carried a bottle of brandy and two glasses back to the observation deck. As she entered she witnessed lavender head of her companion turn at her arrival.

"I can't believe your luck. You not only got to treat the Commander for years, but you get to work here. I thought I was lucky to work on the Ascension."

Karin moved to a small table in the corner and began preparing the drinks.

"I wouldn't call working on a starship with a crew of 10,000 lucky. I will concede working with the Commander has been a special experience. Who would have guessed back in Medical School that the two of us would be at the forefront of a galactic war? We weren't even the top of the class."

She handed the glass to the Asari and took a seat next to her.

"Still have a weakness for the Serrice Ice Brandy?"

The asari's golden eyes stared at her from over the rim of her glass.

"It has always reminded me of you. How could I give up anything that matched the color of your eyes?"

A gentle laugh filled the air.

"I remember a certain human telling me she wasn't interested in anything long lasting."

Karin shrugged before drinking the entire glass of brandy. _Liquid courage hasn't failed me yet_. Placing the empty glass on the floor she turned to her companion.

"Anaya, it's been almost a year since I was abducted by the Collectors. He saved my life that day. I promised myself I wouldn't waste my remaining years. I don't have many years left, but they are yours if you want them."

The Asari placed her own glass on the end table beside her. Turning back to Karin she took the human's hands in her own.

"I was saved by him as well, during the battle of the Citadel if you recall. I decided you were worth the wait years ago. I guess I owe him three debts my life, your life, and the future we will have together."

The Asari moved closer and captured the Doctor's lips with her own. Her left hand moved slowly up the human's arm. The kiss broke only a moment later.

"My sister mocked my decision to attend a human medical school; I will have to inform her I finally got something more than an education."

Karin laughed in response.

"I guess the only question left is your ship or mine?"

The Asari's lavender hands gripped the soft fabric of Karin's uniform and pulled her close. Her lips barely touched her ear.

"I don't think I would make it back to my ship. So I guess right here and now will have to suffice."

A soft moan escaped Karin's throat.

She gently kissed Anaya's neck opening her mouth to let her tongue run over the textured skin. The Asari's soft groans sparking a desire she'd long denied. In her youth she'd focused on her career and let love pass her by. The Commander's grief reminded her of what she'd given up. She wouldn't let life or love pass by again.

* * *

**A/N:** I may delve into Karin and Anaya's relationship in another fic down the road, but I really wanted to provide some hope in this chapter. Even in the midst of great tragedy there is often some hope.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you again for the reviews and favorites of this story. I wanted to take a moment to respond to Legionary Prime's review. Yes I can bring her back, I actually built in a backdoor option if I feel that's the way the story should go. However it doesn't involve Miranda. I don't plan out this particular story so everything is written based on how it comes to mind. I also want to say I never really took to a couple of characters in the series so you may not see them around much. I really never connected with Jacob, Vega, or Zaheed. I will try to include them, but no promises can be made on that count. If you looking for something positive it's coming.**

* * *

The diminutive thief stared out from under her hood at the other tables in the mess hall. A number of Asari had taken an interest in the over-sized marine. He'd become an instant legend by surviving a near direct reaper hit. It was obvious that the Asari were interested in rebuilding their numbers quickly. Humanity had spearheaded the defeat of the Reapers, making them prime targets for amorous affairs. Her eyes roamed over to another table. The two Krogan warriors were surrounded by a group of Asari it was obvious from their behavior that their fathers were Krogan. She always marveled at Krogan society. They didn't grieve, but regaled their dead. Wrex was telling stories of the two dead squad mates of the first Normandy.

She had decided to remain cloaked as she wasn't in the mood for company. The Commander's grief reminded her of her own. She wondered if she would ever truly move on. _Would the Commander? He always seemed so strong, but in truth we are all fragile._

The voice beside her made her jump.

"No matter how strong you are, there is no preparation for the death of those we hold dear."

She turned to see the Prothean. She deactivated her cloaking device, as it was useless with the Prothean.

"Most people would assume I wanted to be alone by the fact I was cloaked."

A noncommittal grunt was his response.

She continued to gaze around the room when she saw the Shuttle pilot making his way towards the table with a bottle and two glasses. He sat across poured a golden liquid into the glasses and pushed one across the table towards her. The Prothean looked over at him.

"You don't drink, remember."

"My empire is dead, yet I find myself still living by its rules."

Cortez nodded, "Moving on isn't as easy as it sounds. Sometimes you need someone to remind you that life is worth living."

Kasumi spoke up quietly.

"Is it?"

Javik stood and looked down at the female human.

"Not for me. I look around and realize I have outlived my time. I will return to the Empire once the Commander is ready to accompany me."

A pained expression crossed Cortez's face.

"How can you ask him to do that? Do you realize how many people he's had to watch die? Why would you add to his grief?"

The Prothean shook his head.

"He will feel nothing at my passing. He has no connection to any of us. His only bond is to the Asari."

Kasumi broke the silence of the table.

"She's dead. There is no bond."

The statement felt wrong on her tongue. Wasn't she still bonded to Keji, even with his death? She still woke up disoriented searching for a body that was likely just bones and dust. Death didn't end the need, desire, or pain associated with the one you loved.

"The Asari have secrets that they keep from all other species of this galaxy. Just as I begin to find some value in your species I am disappointed again. The Asari do not refer to Dr. T'Soni in the past tense. I still feel her presence whenever I am around the Commander. Her essence may no longer be in a physical form, but she is very much alive."

The Prothan walked away.

The two humans drank in silence. The words they were left with echoing in their heads. Both wondering if that would be a blessing or a curse.

* * *

_The bright yellow sun peeked over the mountain's white cap bathing the tall green grass in its light. The Asari's beauty overwhelmed the natural scene. His eyes followed her slender frame as she smiled at his gaze. _

"_It is beautiful here. Where are we?"_

"_Virginia."_

_He stretched out his hand and she took it. She pulled him into an embrace. He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent. _

_He let her go and took a step back. She looked at him with a sad smile. She looked down at the ground. Lifting only her eyes she looked up at him. He'd seen her do it a million times and each time it broke something inside him. He took another step back and it all disappeared._

_He was sitting in a dark room. He knew it the room intimately. It was his cabin on the old SR-1. He stared at the wall. He should be dead along with so many others. He heard the hiss of the door and ignored it. He knew she was back. He could always feel her presence. A hand on his shoulder gently caressed him as it moved from one side to the other. _

"_Why are you here?"_

"_You're in my head you should know."_

"_I want you to tell me."_

_He could hear the sorrow and hurt._

"_I shouldn't be alive. I should have died with Pressley, Barret, Emerson, and the rest over Alchera. You should have let me die."_

"_The reapers would have won had I done so."_

"_Someone would have stood up. Think about it. All of you left and became leaders of your respective races. Each member of my crew was capable of doing everything I did. Maybe you would be alive had I just laid down and died long ago."_

_She shook her head and knelt before him. _

"_I had two long and lonely years without you. Why do you give up only after a few months?"_

"_You at least had hope. You had the Lazarus project to live for, I have nothing."_

_She looked away an emotion he recognized as guilt crossed her face._

"_There is one thing and you must live for once you know it will be reason enough."_

"_What?"_

"_I cannot tell you. Just trust me when I say you will know shortly."_

_A shaking hand reached out and cupped the delicate cheek. It felt so real. He desperately wanted this to be real._

"_I am real. I am without a physical form, but I am real."_

_He nodded in response._

"_She's in love with you."_

_His brows furrowed and he shook his head._

"_Ms. Lawson."_

_He looked away feeling the anger and bitterness rise within him._

"_What does that matter to me?"_

"_If you decide to move on, I will understand."_

_He wouldn't look at her._

"_I know you will not, but it is an option."_

_He saw the movement out the corner of his eye as she moved closer. Her lips were a hair away. _

"_I know it's not as real as the physical world for you, but for me it is. I have you here and now."_

_She gently moved his head to face her and kissed him tenderly feeling his resolve fade as he took her into his arms._

_As he broke the kiss the words tumbled out._

"_Morning will always come too soon."_


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N: At long last here is another update. Soooo there was a request to revive Liara. I had a whole scene written for it, but it's not going to happen. As you can tell from everything I've written Liara is my preferred LI. In the interests of full disclosure I have a definite bias towards Liara (much like Bioware - Since they own the characters and universe I guess they're allowed). That being said, the next chapter may make you feel a little better about it. I don't necessarily write what I want, sometimes I have to write when fits best. ****So**** I had to let her stay a disembodied presence. I will keep the scene in a safe place in case it does feel right before the end of the story.**_

* * *

He berated himself as he exited his room. Just putting on his dress blues had conjured images of blue hands and gentle kisses. He was going to drive himself crazy at this rate. He found Traynor waiting for him. They briefly exchanged salutes before falling back into their casual demeanor.

"How was your meeting with the Council and the other dignitaries?"

He shook his head as they walked down the corridor.

"Useless, the Councilors want me to join their little club and still keep everyone else out. We just finish a war and it seems everyone just can't wait to start the next one. So what's next?"

"You need to eat. I've kept the next hour clear in order to give you a chance to recuperate from your earlier meetings. The Asari Matriarchy has requested an audience with you after lunch. I also have an inquiry from Captain Lidanya as to when you will be returning to the Normandy. She is more than willing to provide living quarters aboard the Ascension, but knows you may desire to return to your own ship."

He tried to ignore the people that would stop and stare as he passed. Instead he tried to focus on the numerous tasks at hand.

"I'll meet them after lunch and I don't want to return to the Normandy yet. There are too many memories, too many people that won't be there anymore."

"I apologize…I…I hadn't considered that."

"It's not something anyone would consider. I seem like more of a machine to most people. They think I don't feel or hurt. I don't blame them; I've hidden it away for so long. I only shared that with…well there was always just one person that knew the stress I was under."

He continued to look straight ahead. He knew that he would see empathy, compassion, and sorrow in those brown eyes. He was tired of seeing those emotions tired of experiencing them.

"Have you heard any news about your family on Horizon?"

The tactic worked. The Specialist's entire demeanor shifted to excitement and happiness.

"They are all alive and well. It seems the Reapers weren't interested in the population, but in Cerberus. All the reapers on the planet either left to chase Cerberus or were killed by your squad."

He smiled as she spoke.

"I'm glad they're okay. Is the Alliance sending transport to get them here?"

"No, Sir. They said all resources should be directed towards the rebuilding effort."

"Aria owes me one. I authorize you to ask her to arrange transport at my request. The Alliance may not be willing to help, but I know she would prefer to no longer being in my debt."

He felt the Specialist's arms around him. It felt good to be able to help someone. He may be in mourning, but he had no desire for anyone else to share his burden. He held her tight and tried to soak up her joy. It had been too long since he felt such a positive emotion. He pulled away and looked at the woman he'd watch grow from a scientist to a Marine. It reminded him of Liara's transition from Archeologist to solider.

"I'm sorry Commander that was really unprofessional."

"Yeah, well we are friends first."

"It's good to see you smile."

"It feels good, Traynor. One more thing, I need you to have Joker join me for lunch. I have some news for him about EDI."

She saluted again.

"Yes, Sir."

She turned and left. His smile disappeared with her. He turned back towards the door that lay before him. It took courage to face down the reapers, but it was nothing compared to the endless looks of sympathy. No one seemed to grasp that he knew what was lost. He moved forward trying to find a way through the darkness. There was no need to add their sorrow for him to his own burden. How long before they would look at him and not say I'm sorry with their eyes. He shook his head, straightened his uniform, and opened the door.

He focused on the task at hand ignoring the stares and whispers. He grabbed some food and found an empty table. He quietly ate while he waited patiently for the pilot to arrive. He hadn't noticed the presence of a group of children when he'd entered the mess hall. Two of them wandered over and lumbered onto the seats across from him.

He looked up to see two small faces staring back at him. The blue skinned child stared at him with smoky grey eyes while sucking her thumb. The other's purple skin was complemented by her lavender eyes. She was obviously the older of the two and definitely more outgoing.

"Are you human?"

He chuckled despite her earnest tone.

"Yes, I am a human and you're an Asari."

She rolled her eyes and replied as if the conversation required all her patience.

"Everybody knows that."

"Do the two of you have names?"

They looked at each other. He'd seen that same look in human children. It was an unspoken agreement that the person they were dealing with was far less intelligent than they originally thought.

"Of course, we have names. I am Nyxnera and this is my friend Zia."

The little blue child simply nodded agreement while still sucking her thumb.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Nyxnera and Zia, I'm Commander Shepard."

The both nodded.

"You made the monsters go away."

"It wasn't just me. There were a lot of people that helped. I had help from Krogan, Asari, Salarians, Quarians, Geth, and every other species in the galaxy."

The little blue child carefully removed her thumb from her mouth and wiped it on her dress.

"Why you sad if you made dem go away?"

His smile faded.

"I tried my best to save as many people as I could, but I didn't save enough?"

"Dank you fow savin us."

The little Asari climbed down from the chair and walked away. The purple Asari watched her friend leave and then turned back to him in a conspiratory whisper.

"The monsters killed my father, and Zia's mother. She thought you should be happy you made them go away. She doesn't understand, cuz she's just a baby."

The purple Asari climbed off the chair and followed her friend back to the small group of children. _How many orphans are there? All because I wasn't fast enough, didn't fight hard enough. Liara why did I have to come back to witness such failure? _Her voice broke through his malaise. _You did all you could, love. It is not a failure because those Asari children still live. I speak from experience when I say one parent is better than none._ He no longer thought himself crazy when she spoke to him. It was part of the bond; she would be with him forever.

"Thank you."

"No need to thank me, I came because I can't ignore orders from my Commanding Officer."

He looked up to see Joker take the seat the child had vacated.

"I was talking to…never mind. I have some news I wanted to give you personally."

"Let me guess, EDI is damaged beyond repair and you're sorry."

He looked into the pilot's eyes and noticed the signs of pain and frustration. _He's been crying and there are signs of sleep deprivation. How long has he had to sit and mourn her without anyone listening to his pleas to bring her back?_

"Actually, Dr. Archer assures me EDI should be back online in about a week. The data we recovered from the Cerberus base provided everything they needed to get the Geth and EDI back online. I just wanted to make sure I told you. I'm the reason she went down in the first place."

The man's body language abruptly changed from forlorn defeat to the normal self confidence and cockiness.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. Your pilot's love life versus galactic extermination, I can't see how I could win against those odds."

The pilot actually smiled. The Commander flinched.

"I had other options Joker."

He looked down to stare at the half eaten meal. His jaw tensed and his voice was strained.

"I could have given my life and saved everyone without the Geth or EDI going offline. The cost was to allow the Reapers to regain their own consciousness. They would no longer be chained to their programming. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't let them exist after what they'd done….to…what they'd done to…."

The anger he'd felt watching her die was real. It tasted of blood and copper, it consumed him. He slammed his fist on the table. The mess hall had been filled with laughter and quiet conversations. The sound of his hand slamming on the table had caused the hall to become silent. He stood up hastily and left without another word. The stunned pilot could do nothing more than watch him leave.


	13. Chapter 13

_**A/N: So here's an odd weekday update. Mainly because Zia wouldn't leave me alone. The child wanted her chance to shine and the little brat was stuck in my head for the past two days. (I'm kidding she's not a brat, just very determined.) I told all of you there would be something good soon. See I do actually read your reviews and sometimes they take on a life of their own. **_

* * *

Zia had followed him from the Mess Hall down to the Cargo hold. The human had been unaware of her presence. He seemed so distant. She wanted to make him feel better. He'd made the monsters go away. She watched as he stood in front of the door staring at it. He reached out and touched it as if it were a living thing.

"I…I…Why did you make me come back. I'm so empty without you. I…I have nothing…left."

He put his forehead against the door and stood there. Zia wasn't sure how long he'd stood like that. She put her right thumb in her mouth and walked over to the human. Her height allowed her to stand almost to his pelvis. The small child reached up and tugged on his uniform. He opened his eyes and looked down into smoldering grey eyes.

"Hey, have you been following me?"

She nodded and then pointed at the door.

"You want to go in there?"

She took her thumb out of her mouth and wiped it on her dress as she'd done before.

"See mommy."

He furrowed his brow and sadness fell over his features. She opened the door and walked into the darkness of the cargo bay. He followed the small child as she moved through the darkness. Zia had been to the hold at least four times a day since being shown where to find her. She wandered over to the pod and stood before it. She knew if she reached out to touch it the pod would change from solid black to opaque. She didn't want to see her just feel her presence.

She was thinking of the last time she'd seen her mother. She'd asked about her father and her mother had melded with her. She'd been wrapped in her mother's mind, reassurance, love, and devotion enveloped her. All of a sudden, she felt someone else. She shared a small piece of her father, the thought of how much he'd wanted her. _Why am I alone if my father wanted me? Is there a Salarian, Asari, Krogan, or maybe even a Human searching Thessia for me right now? Would that small piece be enough for me to recognize his mind? _The sorrow of such a thought clawed at her, threatening to drown her in despair.

She looked up at the human next to her.

"I miss mommy."

She wasn't aware she was crying until the human picked her up and began to rub her back.

"Hey, don't cry. I know it hurts. My bond mate is in here somewhere. I know how you feel. We will get through this, okay?"

She nodded into his shoulder.

"I came here because she was the only person I could talk to and know she wouldn't judge me. She knew just how to make me feel better. I wanted to be close to her. I wanted her to tell me it would be alright."

The little Asari pulled away and looked at the human. His face was a mirror of sadness; she could see her own pain staring back at her. She placed her hands on his cheeks.

"It will be alright."

He smiled.

"Yes it will."

The moment was interrupted by the familiar voice of her nursemaid, Solara.

"There you are Zia. I have been looking…Oh…Commander. I'm sorry if my ward disturbed you."

"No. We were just making each other feel better. Right Zia?"

The child smiled for him and nodded. The Asari reached out her arms to take the child and Zia willingly went to Solara.

"Can I come see you again, if I'm sad?

He smiled back and stroked her crest.

"Have your friend here tell Specialist Traynor and I will be happy to make time for you."

The child smiled.

"Are we friends now?"

"Of course we are." He looked over his shoulder as if remembering why he'd come.

"I have to go now, but I'll see you soon."

She nodded as he walked away.

She hugged the Asari that held her and watched the Commander leave.

Solara looked at the child in her arms.

"You are a very lucky Asari. You have met the most important person in the Galaxy and he calls you friend."

Zia placed her head on the Matriarchs's shoulder and sucked her thumb. She'd made a new friend, but she didn't feel lucky. Her mother was still lost to her and her father was a mystery to her. She would rather have a parent than another friend.

* * *

The five matriarchs sat across from the Commander. Matriarch Canius T'Lanyra seemed to look through him as she spoke.

"I am near the end of my life, Commander. A part of me wishes I could have died before the War, another is grateful I was allowed to live long enough to see a united galaxy."

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He waited patiently as she continued.

"I was friends with Benezia, I hated you for killing her. I thought indoctrination and the reapers were the concoction of the Systems Alliance to undermine the Asari and Turians. I was a fool. The problem with our lifespan is that it gives a false sense of wisdom. Liara understood the pitfalls of our species and avoided them. The Asari see the universe as an endless cycle. The undulating waves of war and peace, crashing into our shores. We were always the wise sage watching for the patterns alternating between preparing and attempting to prevent them. In the end it was our undoing."

The old Asari turned tired eyes to focus on the Commander.

"Benezia would have been proud of her daughter. She recognized the patterns in the universe and stood with you against the tsunami of doubt. She was the Matriarch her mother thought she'd become even as a mere maiden. Our people have turned against us, they look to house T'Soni. They look to you. We are here about the children aboard this vessel."

He felt a wave of pride at the praise poured upon his bond mate. _Finally they recognize her greatness. _

"When we foresaw we could not prevent the Fall of Thessia we reached out to the Justicars. They were given the task of evacuating the children of our most notable citizens. If the Asari were to survive we needed to ensure the next generation would shine as bright as the previous. The children of our greatest warriors, scientists, and Matriarchs were spirited away from Thessia. I am told you have met two of these children. We would like you to adopt an Asari child from the group aboard this vessel."

The Commander sat up in shock.

"I…don't …I don't know what to say."

Samara stepped forward at this point.

"I believe I can be of assistance in this matter."

He looked up at the Jusitcar.

"How so?"

"I must first ask your forgiveness. I have kept a cruel secret." She looked down a moment before standing to her full height and looking him straight in the eye.

"When we spoke on the Citadel I told you I would be returning to Thessia. I did not tell the full truth. While I was returning to defend my home world, Dr. T'Soni gave me a personal mission. I was to retrieve her daughter."

The Commander's heart broke. _She had a child…Feron!_ He looked down and ran his hands through his hair.

"She summoned me to her quarters on the Normandy. I will relate what she told me as best I can remember. Over Alchera you forcibly melded with her as you died. In that meld she became impregnated. Once she recovered your body she set up residence and her information brokerage firm on Illium. When she was starting to show she returned to Thessia. Once the child was born she knew her parentage must remain a secret. The Collectors wanted your body that meant they may target your offspring. She returned to Illium with the child and a loyal servant. The servant posed as the child's mother. Once we assisted her with her personal matter she moved the child to her ship. The child was hidden away on our visits. She planned to tell you after we returned from the Omega-4 relay. She didn't want to distract you."

Samara's gaze softened.

"She never got the opportunity. You immediately went to assist Admiral Hackett and were then imprisoned. Your imprisonment made it impossible to tell you. The child remained in the care of her faithful servant and they returned to Thessia as Liara travelled to Mars. Once she knew the Reapers were headed to Thessia and that the Matriarchs had ordered the Justicars to safeguard the children she had me come to her on the Normandy. I asked if she intended to tell you of your daughter."

Her eyes pleaded for forgiveness.

"She informed me that should they get the chance the reapers would take you alive, and the child's existence would be known. She wouldn't risk the child's life. If it meant you would hate her she would accept that fate. Your child's life was more important. I agreed upon one condition, that she meld with you and implant a piece of the child that you would know her if her mind touched your own. She agreed."

The commander looked over at the Matriarchs.

"Is it even possible that I did such a thing?"

The oldest of them nodded.

"It is not unheard of in our history. It is said that a truly strong willed bond mate of any species can unconsciously induce pregnancy. Asari scientists theorize it is the result of a sapient life form fighting to survive. The pregnancy is triggered by the life force of the individual imprinting itself into their partner's mind. An Asari bond mate will accept the mind as being familiar, but the DNA mapping will be initiated by the contact against her will."

The Commander stood up moved to stand in front of his friend.

"I can forgive you Samara, but I need to know. Is she alive?"

Samara could see the pain in his startling grey eyes. She tilted her head.

"I have been told you have met her. Her name is Benezia, but everyone calls her Zia."

He felt his legs give way as he fell to his knees. He heard Liara's voice from a dream.

_"There is one thing and you must live for once you know it will be reason enough."_


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Here's the update, its kind of short. I had a busy weekend and couldn't really get the time to work on the story. I decided to take the time to write a quick transition chapter. **

* * *

He entered Liara's quarters for the first time since he'd awakened. As he stepped in front of the monitors they suddenly activated. One by one the monitors transitioned from a galaxy map to the image of Liara. He suddenly realized she'd keyed it to his id.

"I left this message in case…I did not survive. Your survival is something…with so much lost, it is something. I have been undone by my own hubris. I thought I could keep her safe, but in these times safety is an illusion. Goddess, I…I kept a terrible secret from you. I lost the most valuable being in the galaxy. I had…we have a daughter. I kept this from you to try to keep her safe from Cerberus, the Reapers, and the Collectors. Everyone wanted a piece of you and I couldn't risk them believing she was just as good as having you. I thought she would be safe as long as she was hidden. I started to tell you so many times…fate always intervened. I am sorry. I need you to find her; if she is alive she needs you."

The Asari looked down as tears fell from her eyes. The Commander's own became bright with unshed tears.

"Should my worst fears come to fruition and she has perished as I have, I…I have left you with nothing. I hope you can forgive me…I cannot forgive myself. I left her on the Citadel hoping that she would be safe. My network is in tatters and I am unable to find any word of her. I can only hope she escaped the Citadel with the other children before it was taken by the Reapers. My last request is that you find her."

The image faded away, replaced by a vid of a small child leaning against a table. Her eyes focus on the camera and a single hand reaches out to touch an unseen object. She releases the table and moves unsteadily forward moving towards the camera. The screen fades black and returns to an image of Liara.

"Her name is Benezia Hannah T'Soni, but goes by the name Zia Hannah to hide her identity. Find her. Please don't leave her alone. If all you find…."

The image of Liara broke into tears resulting in body shuddering sobs before regaining her composure.

"..is what remains of her. Please…return her to the seas of Thessia. My mother and I will be there to receive her with open arms."

The screen fades to black revealing a list of holo vids depicting the child's short life.

The Commander transferred the vids to his omni tool, and took a step back and turned to leave. The door hissed open and Dr Chakwas entered.

"I thought I'd check on you."

He looked at the black monitors and let the tears fall.

"I have a daughter."

He found it took away the hurt each time he admitted it.

"I think I should be aware of that fact since I delivered Benezia."

He turned and looked at the Doctor, his anger was palpable.

"You knew and didn't tell me? I thought we were friends. How could you keep this from me?"

The doctor ignored his anger and walked into the room taking a seat in Liara's chair.

"It wasn't my place. Liara was supposed to tell you. Once she…I don't know if Benezia is even alive, let alone what's become of her. I have a friend searching for her, but I didn't want to tell you until I knew for certain."

The Commander leaned against the wall by the door and looked down at the floor.

"She's alive. I've met her, but she doesn't even know who I am."

She could sense an overwhelming sadness in her friend.

"I for one believe that to be fabulous news. Do you care to tell me why it seems to sadden you?"

He looked up and the pain was etched into his features.

"I was kept from my daughter, because of the danger I posed. I will always be the reason her life is in danger. Do you think after all this there won't be people trying to kill her or use her against me?"

The doctor seemed to consider the question.

"The difference was that for most of that time you were thought to be dead. Once you'd come back you were in no position to protect her. Now you are the most powerful man in the galaxy. At your side she will find safety and the protection of a father. You are no longer the cause of her danger."

"Karin, I've been a soldier all my life. Even as a child it was in my blood. I don't know how to be anything else. I can't be a soldier and a single father. That's not even taking into account I won't be around to guide her for most of her life."

He shook his head.

"Am I really what she needs?"

The doctor stood up and approached the Commander. As soon as she stood across from him she slapped him as hard as she could. She watched the sadness and self pity dissolve into anger.

"That's the man I remember. The man determined to overcome any obstacle to reach his goal. Your goal is now to be the best possible father. That child is all that remains of Liara, she needs you."

The doctor poked his chest with her finger with each word.

"You took on the most formidable force this galaxy has ever known to secure a future for that child. Do what you must, but don't ever think she doesn't need or want you. The truth is cruel and inescapable. You're all she has left. I won't accept any excuses as to why you can't be the best single father in existence."

The Commander stood to his full height and his eyes gleamed with purpose. The doctor marveled at the transformation she'd seen time and again. It never ceased to amaze her that he was always to find that fire within him. She watched him wipe away the tears.

"Dr. Chakwas you will accompany me back to the Ascension. It's time you were reunited with Zia."

Karin nodded and followed him as he exited the room. He activated his comm. unit.

"Traynor, I need my mother, my squad, and Matriarch Athetya to assemble in my quarters on the Ascension in five minutes."

"I'll take care of it. Will you need anything else?"

"Yes, notify Matriarch Solara to bring the child Zia to the conference room immediately."

"Yes sir."

He could hear the confusion in the specialist's voice. He felt a smile on his lips. Zia seemed to have that affect on him.

"Thank you, Karin."

The doctor chuckled to herself.

"Commander Shepard, why are you thanking me?"

"I was thanking you for reminding me why I fought. I thought without Liara I had fought for nothing. I fought for a future, not just my future with my bond mate. I won a war for Zia, even before I knew she existed. Now, I think I know what the future holds not just for her but everyone. It's time for the leaders of this galaxy to bend to the winds of change. I have a new purpose. If I can't be Commander Shepard the soldier and a father, then I will be just a father."

"I expected nothing less."

They walked on in a comfortable silence. The doctor smiling as she noticed that his swagger was back. The man that had awakened had been an empty shell, he'd regained his fire.


	15. Chapter 15

**_A/N: I think the next chapter is going to involve the resolution of the political issues that were placed on the back burner due to the arrival of Zia. The kid just kinda took over the story. _**

* * *

Miranda had become adept at the art of appearing indifferent. The reality was her emotions were often completely at odds with her demeanor. This occasion was no different. She'd been summoned to this conference room by the Commander. She'd arrived to find a room filled with his friends and family. They'd all seen the despair and noticed the self imposed isolation. It wouldn't surprise any of them if he walked in and announced he was planning to take his own life. It was the unspoken fear. The Justicar moved next to her and looked out the window into the void.

"Do not worry. It is not what you think."

Miranda merely arched a delicately shaped eyebrow.

"What do you know about this meeting?"

The Asari continued to look into the darkness and turned her head a fraction when she'd heard the hiss of the door.

"It is not my place to say, but it is not what you are thinking."

"How do you know…"

The Asari abruptly turned and approached the new occupant to the room.

"Solara, I will take care of Zia from here."

The other Asari merely nodded and left. Miranda looked down and saw the child for the first time. The child's eyes li up and a smile stretched across her face as she ran towards the Justicar. She squealed in delight as she sprung into the Justicar's embrace.

"Samara…I missed you."

"I missed you as well little one. You remind me of my own daughters."

The child wrapped her arms around the older Asari's neck. Miranda could barely make out the heart breaking words that escaped the child's lips as tears fell from her eyes.

"Mommy's...gone."

Samara rubbed the child's back as she responded.

"I know. I have let your father know, you will not be alone much longer."

Miranda noticed everyone in the room's attention was captured by the heartbreaking sight taking place in front of them. Garrus quietly slipped an arm around Tali and pulled her closer. Miranda wrapped her arms around herself. Motherhood was another part of a normal life she'd never experience. She pushed back the tears that threatened to brighten her eyes. She looked out into the darkness and watched their reflections in the glass.

"You know my fadder?"

She marveled at the way the child's sadness instantly changed to awe and joy. She couldn't help but feel hope. If a lonely child could find her father, maybe she could find her love's heart. Her speech impediment instantly endeared her to the human biotic.

"Yes, it was my duty to inform your father of your existence."

Before the Justicar could say anything more she heard the hiss of the door and saw the Commander enter.

* * *

Shepard stood in front of the door taking several deep breaths. _I can do this_. He remembered the story of the little engine that could. His mother used to read it to him whenever he'd had a bad day. _Would Zia like the story?_ He felt the adrenaline rush that was usually reserved for battle course through his veins. He couldn't remember ever being this nervous. A sigh from his companion broke through the thoughts.

"Will you just open the damned door?"

He couldn't' help the smile. The woman's abnormal outburst indicated her own nervousness. He took one last deep breath and opened the door. He entered the room and quickly scanned the inhabitants. He smiled at his mother and then strode towards the object of his affection. He reached out to Zia who gladly climbed into his arms. She was speaking even before she'd settled into his arms.

"Dis is Samara she rescued me from Dessia, and she found my fadder."

He smiled at her excitement. _My daughter, this is my daughter._

"I know. Samara told me earlier today and I gathered everyone important to me to help you celebrate."

He walked around the room introducing her first to his mother.

"This is my mother."

The little Asari shyly waved at the human woman. He went around the room saving Atheyta for last. He saw the pain in the Asari Matriarch's eyes as they were introduced. The child tilted her head and looked at the Commander.

"Why is she so sad?"

His smile faltered for the first time since entering the room.

"Remember when I told you my bond mate died?"

The little Asari nodded solemnly.

"This is her father."

Zia wiggled until the Commander set her down. He was shocked at how empty he felt when she left his arms. She walked over to the Matriarch and took her face in her hands.

"I lost my mommy, but we will be alright."

He marveled at how she seemed to be shy one moment and reaching out to offering comfort the next. _She's the best of both of us_. Atheyta smiled briefly. Her gruff voice sounded oddly soothing.

"I know. I'm sorry for being sad. It's a happy day for you."

Zia nodded before turning back to the Commander. He knelt down and looked the child in the eyes. It was the first time he realized his own eyes were staring back at him. He should have seen the resemblance. He forced himself to continue, barely holding back the emotions that wanted nothing more than to be released.

"Zia, what's your last name?"

The little Asari looked around the room, her eyes shifting from side to side. She finally answered after a moment.

"Hannah."

He nodded. She was her mother's daughter. _She'll make an exceptional Shadow Broker_.

"Is that your final answer?"

The child nodded. He stood up.

"You are definitely your mother's daughter. Samara, can you help me out here?"

The Justicar looked at the child.

"No one here would do you harm. Most of them knew your mother; they would protect you with their lives."

The child looked down in thought. _Liara used to do that whenever she faced a daunting decision._

* * *

Zia looked up and Miranda gasped, she saw the Commander's features upon the tiny face. It was his child. She caught the quick glance from the Commander as all the other eyes turned to stare at her.

"My name is Benezia Hannah T'Soni, daughter of Liara T'Soni and Granddaughter of Matriarch Benezia T'Soni. I do not know my fadder's name."

The child raised her chin with pride as she spoke their names solemnly. She couldn't help wonder if the Asari were born with such a regal manner. The child had a presence that rivaled her father at such a young age. She watched everyone in the room stare at the child in the center of the room, the Matriarch seemed to stare intently at the child hoping to find proof of it.

The Commander nodded.

"I want to show you a message my bond mate left for me. "

He activated his omni tool. A vid of Liara T'Soni played, Miranda's ears picked up the subtle clicking sounds that indicated it had been edited. Obviously in order to remove anything that would upset the child. She smiled at the indication that he was already a good father.

"_Goddess, I…I kept a terrible secret from you. I lost the most valuable being in the galaxy. I had…we have a daughter. I kept this from you to try to keep her safe from Cerberus, the Reapers, and the Collectors. Everyone wanted a piece of you and I couldn't risk them believing she was just as good as having you. I thought she would be safe as long as she was hidden. Her name is Benezia Hannah T'Soni, but goes by the name Zia Hannah to hide her identity. Find her. Please don't leave her alone."_

She watched as both father and daughter looked at one another. The child slowly pointed at herself and then at her father. Wordlessly asking if he was her father, he nodded as tears fell from his eyes. She ran into his arms and accepted his embrace.

Miranda felt a pang in her heart. She was happy for him, but Liara had given him the one thing she never could, a child.

She noticed that even the stoic Justicar was shedding tears at the reunion of father and daughter. Miranda let go of her own tears. She may have perfect genes, but the situation highlighted her imperfections.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Sorry for the late update, been kind of busy. I will try to get another chapter out during the three day weekend, but can't make any promises. The next few chapters will see a shift in time from days passing to weeks and possibly months.**

* * *

He stood against the wall and watched Miranda try to corral the two children in her charge. A chuckle escaped him as the woman glared at the Asari Matriarch that had decided to take a break. Atheyta tilted her glass in the human's direction and smiled. The commander felt someone standing next to him more than saw their approach. It was the culmination of years of training. He turned and was surprised to see Councilor Tevos smiling at the interaction between the two Asari children and human woman.

"Fatherhood looks good on you Commander."

He nodded.

"Thank you. I thought it would take a little longer for you to calm down."

"I have been the only member of the Council willing to compromise for centuries. I can't allow frustration or anger to cloud my judgment. I recognize the longer I let this fester the harder it will be to change your mind."

He managed to look up long enough to see Miranda had resorted to biotics to capture the children. He glared as at the idea of someone using biotics on his daughter. Miranda obviously caught sight of the look because she lost her concentration and Zia tumbled to the floor. The child sprung to her feet proclaiming for Miranda to do it again and the Commander relaxed a little shaking his head for the human not to repeat the action.

"It is common for Asari mothers to use biotics on their children. It allows them to become familiar with the sensations of manipulating dark energy."

Zia was continuing to pester Miranda to lift her up, but she wasn't willing to risk the Commander's ire. He watched the Matriarch simply lift a finger and the child was lifted into the air once more. He could only shake his head and make an effort to ignore the scene before him.

"I have made my decision. I have no plans to join the Council and I accepted the task of organizing a Galactic fighting force, but I have no interest in shaping the future of the Galaxy."

"I accept your decision to retire from public life. It is the formation of the new council that I wish to discuss. I believe you to be the only one that can convince the others that this must be undertaken with great care and may be an excruciatingly slow process."

He sighed at her persistence.

"I share some of your concerns, but believe we need to at least give it a chance.

"I am not opposed to the inclusion of the Volus and Elcor. Why do you support the Batarians and Krogan? We have tried this before."

He turned his full attention to the Councilor and motioned for her to follow him. They walked to a private corner of the room so as not to be overheard.

"Look, the reality is we can't slow this down. I was out of it for how many months and you were still pulling the same status quo bullshit. They aren't stupid they saw the Geth sitting inactive by Council order. The rebuilding of the hardest hit worlds excuse didn't play well since Kar'Shan had been under reaper occupation the longest, but they took a backseat to Earth, Thessia, Surkesh, and Palaven. Playing favorites doesn't make them trust you."

She looked down for a moment.

"We did what we thought was right."

He looked at her intently.

"You did what was right by the Council races. We need to open the Council up as a show of good faith. I want to reassure you of two things. The first is that the Krogan representative is a Shaman that was willing to give a tank breed Krogan an opportunity to undergo the Rite. He's not a traditionalist and will be a perfect fit. The Batarian Councilor is an associate of Aria's so he will be sympathetic to the needs of every race and maybe a bit bias towards the Asari. I wanted to level the playing field, but knew we had to deal with the moderates. I didn't rush into this blindly."

"I fear there will be so many voices that reason will become drowned out by politics. Surely you can see that even with your leveled playing field they will have to retire. What happens when someone less progressive takes the reins?"

"The fanatics can only gain a foothold if we continue to bar access. Business as usual plays right into the hands of those that would seek to dominate instead of trying to achieve cooperation. It is in the best interest of everyone that we start out on equal footing. I fear that alienating anyone would drive them back into the abyss of tyranny."

He looked over to check on his daughter once more and saw her quietly talking to her friend. He was thankful they were done with the biotic sources of entertainment.

"I concede your point Commander. Do you have any ideas on this Galactic Alliance you are trying to build?"

He nodded.

"I intend to require every race to provide half of its fighting force to the Galactic Alliance. It will be the responsibility of that force to patrol and protect council space. The remaining fighting force would be held in reserve in case of another emergency and to protect their home worlds."

"It sounds like a bold plan."

He nodded briefly before he jerked his head towards his daughter.

"I have a legacy beyond my own lifetime to consider."

A strained smile spread across the Councilor's face.

"I can see that Dr. T'Soni chose well. I apologize for not having more faith in you. It can sometimes be difficult to see past the life span of another species when thinking centuries into the future.

"I know our time together was brief, but Liara had some impact on my view of time. I understand that every Asari will have to deal with the consequences of my decisions long after I die. I wish to do right by them not just because of my daughter, but because I genuinely care about every inhabitant of this galaxy."

"I see a little of Benezia in you. I am not surprised Liara would bond with someone as concerned for others as her mother had once been."

The Councilor walked away before he could respond. He turned to find two sets of very small eyes upon him. He looked at his daughter and couldn't read her thoughts, but knew he would have to explore it later. He had a debriefing with the Admirals.

* * *

Nyxnera and Zia cast curious stares at the Commander and the Asari.

"An Asari would be better than a human. I guess the human's pretty. I mean for a human those things on the side of their heads aren't attractive."

Zia shrugged.

"I hadn't really dought about it."

"Don't you want your father to stop being lonely?"

Zia looked down for a moment.

"I don't know. Yes, but what about mommy?"

"Don't be stupid, she'll always be your mother. It would just be someone to help him stop being sad."

Zia didn't like this conversation. So she changed the subject.

"Have you heard from your mother?"

Nyxnera looked down and started playing with the foot of Zia's stuffed varren.

"I stopped asking."

She felt bad for making her friend sad.

"Why would you do dat?"

"I don't know… just tired of being told she's still missing….I guess."

_Some friend I am. I do not wish to confront my own fears so I thrust sadness upon my friend. Maybe I can make it better._

The both looked over at the Commander now standing alone while they spoke.

"What if I ask for you? If dey say she's still missing I will keep it secret."

The little purple Asari's face lit up.

"You would do that for me?"

Zia solemnly nodded.

"Of course, we're friends. Sometimes I wish we were sisters."

The purple Asari hugged the smaller blue one.

"You're the best friend I've ever had."

"So are you."

Zia noticed a shadow over them and looked up to see her father. She released her friend and looked up at him. She held out her arms for him to pick her up and he complied.

"I have a meeting to get to, but there was something I needed to ask you."

"What?"

"I'm going to Earth in a few days and wanted to know if you would like to come with me."

She nodded solemnly.

"Can Nyxnera come?"

He looked down at the purple Asari.

"I don't have a problem with that, but we should really ask her mother."

The purple Asari looked away as she answered.

"My mother is still missing."

_He has always been kind and patient with me, I can only hope he will do the same for my friend. _

He rubbed his chin with his free hand and seemed lost in thought for a moment.

"I have an idea. Until they find her you're more than welcome to accompany me and Zia anywhere we go. I will personally look into finding your mother. Does that sound good to you?"

Nyxerna nodded eagerly as the Commander kissed his daughter's forehead and put her down.

"I'll see you ladies later."

Zia watched her father walk away feeling a sense of pride. He was far better than she ever dreamed. _Is it wrong that sometimes he is enough? Should I not feel bad that with him I forget how much I miss mommy?_

"Do you think he can find her?"

Zia let go of her feelings of guilt and turned her attention to her friend.

"If he found me, he will find her too."

She surprised herself with the amount of faith she placed in a father she'd only known a few days.

"If he finds my mother, maybe she could be your mommy too."

Zia still didn't like the idea of replacing her mother. So she shrugged.

"I still don't know about dat. Let's go find my grandfader. She promised to teach me how to be a Krogan."

The two little Asari ran off to find the Matriarch.


	17. Chapter 17

_**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all of you that have been conversing about Shepard moving on in the review section. It may stir the pot a little, but it has a purpose. Thank you to everyone that has been hanging in there even through the depressing beginning. I may get another chapter out before the end of the three day weekend, but i'm not sure because A Heart of Darkness is really pushing forward and keeps shifting my focus back to its own tale. As for Zia's difficulty with her th(s), I have to give all the credit to AmericanHind. After reading The Red Asari, I liked the idea of giving her unique voice. By the way I loved BizkitRebellion's dedication in going back and re-reading a chapter to prove their point. **_

* * *

Miranda was packing her things in preparation of her journey to Illium. Oriana had returned to assist in the rebuilding of her home and Miranda was keen to see her again. She lifted up a framed picture of the Commander and Zia she'd taken surreptitiously. It encapsulated all her dreams.

"That's all they will ever be Lawson. It's time to let it go."

She buried the picture in the very bottom of the bag. Despite speaking the words she had no faith in them. All the heartache and pain had been buried by the love for another being. A mirror image of the Asari he'd lost. She fought back the tears and continued packing. She heard the door chime indicating a visitor. She placed a small bundle of clothing onto the bed and answered the door.

The Matriarch entered the room without waiting for an invitation. _Ugh, I really am not in the mood for her today. Would Zia forgive me for killing her only living Asari relative? No, she probably wouldn't._

"What do you want?"

The Asari seemed to ignore the comment and went to the small bar and poured herself a drink.

"Would it kill you to be cordial? I'm willing to overlook your lack of social graces because you have a nice rack, but nice tits only get you so far."

The Asari turned and stared blatantly at the objects of her obsession.

"My eyes are further north."

Miranda crossed her arms feeling a sudden need to hide her assets.

"Come on, If you didn't want people to look at them you wouldn't wear them like an accessory."

The Asari found a seat and waited for a response.

"Again, what do you want?"

"I noticed your name on a travel manifest and thought I'd find out why you're leaving."

Miranda sat on the bed across from the Matriarch a look of suspicion upon her face.

"You're awfully nosey aren't you?"

Atheyta shrugged.

"It's a family trait. My genes gave Nezzy a fit when the kid started to manifest some of my less than spectacular traits."

"I can only imagine. It's personal business so I will keep it to myself thank you."

"Fine by me, but are you going to tell him before you leave?"

"The Commander is aware I am taking my leave."

With a roll of her eyes Atheyta put her drink down.

"Let's stop playing games. Are you going to tell him you're in love with him or not?"

_I have been careful not allow my feelings to slip. She must have been watching me very carefully._

"What makes you think I am?"

"Besides the fact I'm not an idiot? I don't know it's probably the way you watch him and my granddaughter. The longing is obvious to anyone either willing to pay attention, or not too lost in their own grief."

The human sighed.

"Have I been so obvious?"

"I'm a former bartender you learn to spot the look of loneliness and longing. So are you going to tell him?"

"What do you care?"

The Asari picked up her drink and sat back. She took a careful sip of her drink.

"He'll leave for Thessia shortly to complete the burial rite for the kid. He needs to know before the ceremony."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

_She's trying to tell me something without saying anything._

"Let's just say the Asari keep more secrets than you know."

"Why would you want me to replace your daughter?"

The Asari's eyes became distant as she seemed to travel through time and space itself.

"It's not about replacing her. Hell you couldn't fill a single cell of her being. There was something special about that kid. Anyway….she deserves peace. The thought that he doesn't need her would help her find that peace."

Miranda was confused by the entire conversation. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something was out of place. _Why does she never say her name? Why does she speak of her as if she is still alive?_

"Why don't you ever say her name?"

The Asari swallowed her drink in a single gulp.

"Imagine the Commander died without ever knowing how much you loved him. That he never got the chance to know you. Would you be able to say his name without feeling like you had swallowed ground glass? I stayed away because of a promise, a promise I should never have made. I have to live with that guilt for the rest of my ridiculously long life. I want to do something for her, if finding someone to care for those she loves makes me feel better then give me that."

Miranda nodded her understanding.

"He isn't willing to let her go yet. I will tell him once he's ready."

The Matriarch shook her head.

"Trust me when I say that if you're going to tell him, it's best that it be before the ceremony."

"What happens in an Asari burial rite?"

The Asari stood up and headed for the door.

"If I could tell you, I would. It is not spoken of among Asari. It will never be spoken of to those outside our species."

Miranda was left alone in the room to think on the Matriarch's words.

"Javik…"

_If anyone can decipher the Asari it would be the Prothean. Packing can wait._

Miranda Lawson had a mission. She strode out of her quarters in search of the one being that might have a clue as to the meaning of Asari burial rites.

* * *

Kaiden Alenko moved through the broken ruins of the city of Vancouver with a small asari on each side of him. _I have a small piece of her with me. A smaller version of Liara, it's amazing how much like her mother this child appears._

His thoughts were broken by the sound of people acknowledging the presence of the man a several yards ahead of them.

"It's Commander Shepard."

The man had risen to cult status the way people swarmed around him. He didn't envy the man's popularity.

_How is he going to retire when everyone wants a piece of him? Will people hound Zia just to touch a piece of a living hero? Would she become a target for those that felt he didn't do enough?_

"Are you alright Uncle K?"

He looked down at the Asari that was the spitting image of Liara right down to the freckles.

"Yeah…why do you ask?"

"You're breathing hard and you're holding my hand really tight."

He relaxed his grip.

"Sorry about that. I just became overwhelmingly important that I protect you for a moment."

She nodded

"Mommy used to get the same way."

He watched the sadness creep up on the child. He kicked himself mentally for causing her distress.

"Hey, no need to be sad. I miss her too."

"Can…can I …show you something?"

He nodded while kneeling beside her as she moved closer. She closed her eyes and touched their foreheads. Her eyes opened and they were darker than the night sky.

Kaiden saw a flash of a memory.

_He was wrapped in Liara's arms as she pointed at a picture of the Normandy crew at the memorial service for the Commander. _

_Her breathy voice was a chilling memory. He could hear both sadness and pride in her every word._

"_The one in the suit is your Aunt Tali and that handsome man is your uncle Kaiden."_

_A small childlike voice responded._

"_Aumt Tal un Un Kdum"_

_Liara's laughter filled his ears._

"_He might let you call him that, but how about Uncle K? Can you say that?"_

_Two small blue hands clapped before him._

"_Un K"_

_The sound of Liara's laughter tickled his heart._

"_I'm sure he will like that. I cannot wait until the day you meet him. He is a good friend of mine and I am positive he will take great care of you."_

_A small child's giggle could be heard as the world returned to focus._

He stared into grey eyes that he wished were brown. His pushed back the jealousy that this wasn't his child. He could do this for her.

"Thank you Zia. I will take care of you as if you were my own."

The child nodded.

"I know."

"How do you know so much as young as you are?"

"Mommy told me you would…Mommy was always right."

"Mother's usually are."

He gave her a brief hug and stood up. They once again started following the entourage.

"So you recognized us the day we met you?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Mommy was gone, so I had to remember to do everything she said."

"I'm sure she would be proud of you."

The child nodded as they walked on in silence.

_I was blessed to have her consider me a friend. She cared enough about me to entrust me with her child. It doesn't matter who her father is, she's Liara's daughter and I will protect her until I die._

* * *

His speech had served its purpose. The crowd was satisfied to see their living action figure. He wasn't a man with a daughter but a symbol. _It's not enough that I lost friends and my…will I be free if I disappear? Will they seek me time and again? I won't know if I don't try._

He'd found a quiet corner in the playground where he'd once watched a child playing. It felt like a lifetime ago. He stood staring at sky when he heard the soft spoken voice of his friend.

"Do you think it was too soon?"

"It will always be too soon. The truth is I did it because after this tour I'm not coming back. I can't stand anywhere on this planet without knowing that this is where I lost her."

"We don't know the future. Maybe one day you will find someone else have a few more kids and it won't be as hard to stand here."

Shepard looked his friend in the eye.

"Kaiden, I can't love anyone else. Why does everyone think I should move on. I get that everyone has had months to deal with the loss, but its only been a week for me. Have you moved on? "

"Huh, you got me there. Did you know I went to see her on Illium a year after you…disappeared? I found a stranger. She lived for you even when you were gone. I realized she could never love me the way I wanted."

"I'm sorry Kaiden."

"Shit happens right? I still spent a lot of time thinking what might have been, had I done things differently. Maybe…"

"I know the feeling…I feel that way every morning. Then I look over at Zia and it's gone. She makes everything…I don't know…almost perfect."

Kaiden nodded.

"I know what you mean. She makes me feel the same way. I want to be a part of her life. I…I shouldn't have let jealousy destroy our friendship."

"You didn't do it alone. I valued our friendship and let it fall apart, because I felt guilty. I saw the pain I'd caused you. I couldn't' let her go and I couldn't fix things without doing so."

"I'm at fault I should have been the bigger man."

"Let's just agree to be friends and stop assigning blame. I can't win, because I got the girl…well Asari."

"Agreed, how about you answer a question I've had for awhile."

"Sure."

"Why me?"

"Why you what?"

"Why choose me and not Ash. She was the better soldier."

"That was a long time ago Kaiden."

He looked down at his hands and spoke to them rather than look at his friend.

"I wish I could say the right thing, but in the end…it always comes back to Liara. I knew the chances of my survival weren't good. Do you think I could have trusted Ash to be there for her? She never really took to Liara. I wish I could give the old Alliance line of an impartial decision…I can't. At the end of the day it was my own selfish preferences. Just like when it came down to a choice at end of the war. It always came back to her."

Kaiden nodded at the words.

"Yeah, she had that affect on both of us."

"What does that mean?"

"Well after I went to visit her I talked to Tali. She suggested that maybe it was time for me to move on. So I decided to start dating. My first date was actually Liara's assistant Nyxeris."

"An agent of the Shadow Broker Nyxeris?"

"Yeah, that's the one. I guess she thought she could mine me for information on Liara. Unfortunately for her I was trying to forget about her."

"And how does dating her assistant help you do that?"

"Baby steps, I was taking baby steps."

He found the laughter came easy as it always had with Kaiden.

"I've missed this. It's good to have you back."

"I think it's what she would have wanted, ya know?"

"Yeah, I think you're right."

The two men stared at the torn Landscape of Vancouver enjoying one another's company.


	18. Chapter 18

**_A/N: I wrote this chapter the same day as the last one, but have been nitpicking over it for the past week. I finally got it to the point where it seemed to fit with what was in my head. The hard part isn't coming up with ideas, but getting what's on the page to match what's in your head. The next task is the AI reboot. Not sure if it will be in the next chapter or the one after. _**

* * *

He'd spent most of the day playing diplomat and hero. He made up for it by spending the rest of the day with the girls. He took them to the park and just like her mother the child was attracted to digging in the dirt. She'd unearthed a fossil and delighted in climbing a tree with her father. He smiled at the memories they'd made together. He lay on the sofa and closed his eyes. His intention was to rest his eyes for a moment before getting back to work. His body had other plans as sleep quickly found him.

_He's stood among the ruins of Illos. He could hear the soft rustle of skin sliding over stone. A smile at the memory of her habits crossed his face. He spoke knowing distance had no meaning here._

"_I've missed you."_

_He could hear the sadness in her voice._

"_I sensed you were angry with me. I wanted to give you some time."_

_He moved through the ruins searching for her. He could sense she was evading him._

"_I never could stay angry with you for long. She's perfect, but I don't think I need to tell you that."_

"_I'm sorry I didn't tell you."_

"_Your reasons were valid. Did you know about Kaiden and Nyxeris?"_

_Her laughter seemed to surround him._

"_I tried not to spy on our friends."_

"_You're being evasive, the key word is tried. I know you spied on Tali. Remember the exchange on the Geth Dreadnaught?"_

_He could hear the pout in her voice._

"_Logic was my area of expertise. When did you start using it against me?"_

_It was his turn to laugh._

"_I can pretend to be your ignorant boy toy if you'd like."_

_He turned to find her standing before him. He instantly reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace. She ran her fingers over his cheek as she spoke._

"_You were never ignorant and I would not classify you as a boy or a toy."_

_He smiled and kissed her._

"_So Kaiden?"_

_She smiled_

"_I was fully aware of the Liaison and its purpose."_

_He opened his mouth to speak, but she placed a finger over his lips and looked around._

"_We are not alone."_

_His face contorted in confusion._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Benezia Hannah T'Soni what did I teach you about melding without consent?"_

_The small asari stepped from behind a column with her head bowed and nervously wringing her hands._

"_That it is impolite and should never be done."_

_The mother approached her child and knelt down. She slowly lifted the child's chin._

"_I have missed you."_

_The child's smile seemed to brighten the darkened ruins._

"_I missed you too."_

_The two held each other for a long moment. They broke the embrace at the sound of the Commander clearing of his throat. They looked over and he smiled. _

"_Now this is perfection."_

_Liara smiled at him before a stern expression crossed her face and she turned to her daughter._

"_Why did you meld with your father?"_

_The child frowned._

"_He was happy. I haven't seen him that happy before. I wanted to know what he was dreaming about."_

_Shepard stepped over._

"_Hey you said that instead of dat."_

_The child looked up in confusion. _

"_I don't say dat…what are you talking about?"_

_He looked from his daughter to her mother. Liara rolled her eyes and explained as if he were the child._

"_She cannot say the t and h, but in her head she is saying it. So in dreams and her mind she says it properly."_

_She turned her attention back to the child._

"_Apologize to your father and then promise not to do so again without his permission."_

"_Yes, ma'am. I am sorry daddy. I will not do it again unless you say it is alright. I promise."_

_He walked over and picked her up._

"_It's okay Baby Blue. As long as you promise to ask next time no harm done. I'm kind of glad you did. It gave me a chance to see my girls together."_

_He beamed at his family. The small asari scrunched her face in distaste._

"_I am not a baby."_

_Her parents laughed at their petulant child._

"_Well everyone used to call your mom Blue. You're a smaller version of her that makes you Baby Blue."_

_The child seemed to think it over._

"_Only you can call me that and only in here."_

_He smiled and looked over at Liara._

"_I can't decide if she takes after you or me?"_

_He watched the tears in her eyes._

"_Hey now…what's wrong?"_

"_I believe I have learned to understand the human trait of crying when you are happy."_

_He held them both close. The moment was broken by Zia._

"_Humans cry when they are happy? What an odd species."_

_Her parents couldn't help but laugh. Yet he couldn't resist a memory the statement stirred up._

"_Well you're half human."_

_Mother and daughter responded unanimously._

"_That is not how it works."_

_He felt complete for the moment. _

Miranda found the Prothean in his quarters on board the Normandy. He didn't move from the pool of water when she entered.

"What do you want human?"

"I need answers."

Javik laughed. _Of course she wants something..no one in this cycle gives anything they all take._

"What you need is not necessarily what you want."

"I'm tired of people telling me what I want. I need and want answers."

_This human hates being mocked, yet she brings it upon herself._

"What do you want to know?"

"I want you to tell me about Asari burial customs."

He took the opportunity to mock her further. _If she is willing to encroach upon my territory she can accept the price._

"Do I look like an Asari to you? You seem to have been misinformed they have two eyes not four. Also there is a distinctive difference in the color of our skin."

The human began to pace.

"You can be insufferable, but I am just as adept at being a nuisance. I can do this all day."

He turned around to face her. He leaned against the pool and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I sense that about you. I am not an Asari, why not seek one of them out and ask?"

He could feel her frustration as she paced the room. It was nauseating.

"It was an Asari that started this whole mess. When I asked her about it she said they don't speak of it."

He nodded.

"Of course they wouldn't."

"You do know something. What aren't you telling me?"

Javik sighed as if she were an annoying child. _A child could be excused for their ignorance. This human has no excuse for not using the mind she was given. _

Javik resolved he wouldn't do the thinking for her.

"What do you know? What makes you think there is something to their traditions?

"There is the infuriating fact that none of the Asari refers to her as if she's dead."

He nodded.

"Did you refer to the Commander as if he were dead during his resurrection?"

Miranda rolled her eyes.

"Of course I didn't. I knew he was alive."

"Then the answer is obvious and you didn't need to pester me."

He turned back to the pool ignoring her presence once more. He heard the clicking of her boots as she quickly approached him.

"You arrogant son of a bi…."

The words were cut off by the exchange of memories. He witnessed the entire exchange between her and the Matriarch before he pushed her way. She fell backwards landing on her ample backside.

"What did you see human?"

The woman looked up with tears in her eyes.

"You watched her die….you held your wife in your arms a victim of indoctrination. You couldn't bring yourself to kill her. Others…"

The human visibly swallowed as the Prothean approached her with a faint green glow. His anger was palpable and suffocating.

"Yes. Your kind wouldn't call a slow painful death a kindness, but it was better than the last moments of your life being spent betraying all you adored. We were at war and could not waste ammunition on being merciful. I chose poison over strangulation, it seemed…kind. I have lost more than you can fathom and you come to me making demands. What can you give me? Tell me can you bring back my dead? "

She shook her head and scooted backwards fear etched into the fabric of her features.

"You have seen the things I have done. You do not hesitate to believe I could harm you. I am so tired of people telling me what they want and they need. It is all I have heard. The species of this cycle are thoughtless and selfish. You give nothing but expect everything in return."

He took another menacing step towards her.

"I have listened to people talk of how his child needs a mother and how he needs to move on. Yet none of you have seen what I do. I see the life within him returning. Do you think finding someone else will make him forget he loved her? Do you believe fifty thousand years has put any distance between me and that moment?"

Miranda looked down.

"No."

He forced himself to calm down. _It was that meddling Asari that started this nonsense. I should threaten her. Am I the only one that is not a blind fool?_

"I will not apologize for my words because they are true."

Hs anger was once again under tight control.

"I will not tolerate any further ignorance. I know you to be capable of thought. What have you learned from the time the Commander awakened to this moment?"

The woman's forehead creased in thought.

"He told me he can still hear her in his head."

He nodded for her to continue.

"Every time the Asari speak of her they do so in the present tense."

"What have I told you?"

"Did I refer to the Commander as if he were dead…She's not dead is she?"

He nodded.

"Her physical form is lost, but her spirit lives within him. The bonding process transfers a piece of their spirit into their bond mate. When the physical form dies the remainder of her spirit seeks out that small piece and they are whole within their host. I believe it might work in reverse as well. If so it is the key to Asari superiority. They bring the knowledge and skill of their bond mates into their species, literally. Imagine that for the two years the Commander was caught between life and death his spirit was trapped within her."

He turned back towards the pool of water and moved his hands through the water as he spoke.

"It would explain how a novice could find the determination and skill to retrieve a body from the nefarious forces of the galaxy. It also explains how she become a powerful information broker in her own right. That is all I know, I can tell you I feel her within him and the rest is just supposition. I cannot tell you what this ceremony entails. I do not like to touch others. As you can see it brings…unwelcome consequences. Now leave me."

Miranda scrambled to her feet and left. Javik stood at the pool trying to dispel the memories the human conjured up. He didn't know if he could wait until the Commander was ready. He might need to end his suffering sooner rather than later. _Tiyah I seek solace within your arms once more, I wish to wait until he can see me off. He is my friend and I do not wish to be alone in my final moments. Forgive me this moment of weakness._


	19. Chapter 19

_**A/N: So here's the update. I'm heading out of town until the 4th of July. I won't have any updates this week. This is just a quick transitional chapter. I had a bit of writer's block, but have mostly shaken it off. Should there be a gap in the update again it will be due to it's unfortunate return.**_

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She'd always been decisive and efficient. _When did I become so…hesitant? It started with my doubts about Cerberus. Could it have been when I fell in love with him? No, it was the realization that I'd blinded myself to the consequences of my actions._

She lifted her chin a little higher as she walked down the corridor. She was so lost in thought she didn't notice the little blue blur that was streaking towards her. It was the shriek of her name being called that broke her thoughts.

"Miranda!"

She stopped and knelt down in time to brace herself for the impact. The child wrapped her arms around the human and she stood up holding the child.

"Why are you covered in….is that dirt?"

The child smiled and shook her head.

"Chocolate…James gave me something called I scream."

The human shook her head and continued walking with the child in her arms.

"I believe you mean ice cream. Did you like it?"

The child's face was covered with the sweet treat.

"It was great…but if you eat it too fast it hurts."

Miranda laughed.

"All good things have a down side. It's a good lesson to learn early."

The child seemed to consider the woman's words.

"What's the downside to being friends with you?"

A bittersweet smile crossed her face.

"I will let you be the judge of that. However I am sorry to say I will be leaving today."

The child began to pout.

"Why? Where are you going?"

"I'm going to Illium to help my sister. I will always come back to visit so don't worry. "

The Asari nodded, but the sadness remained within her eyes. They entered a large room filled with people. The Geth reactivation was a very public affair, but she wasn't here for that ceremony. She made her way through the crowd to a small discretely placed door and entered.

"Miranda Lawson?"

She looked up in surprise to see Dr. Brynn Cole.

"Brynn?"

She was reluctant to release the child in her arms, so she hugged her friend with her free arm.

"Have you met Zia?"

"I have not had the pleasure. As you no doubt heard, my name is Brynn. May I say Zia is a beautiful name?"

The child hugged her human a little tighter and hid her face in the crook of Miranda's neck as she spoke.

"It's short for Benezia. You look different from other humans."

Brynn looked down.

"I'm going to have a baby. This is what pregnant humans look like."

The child wiggled in the human's arms. Miranda was accustomed to the child's way of indicating she wanted to be put down. She conceded to the child's whim. Zia wandered over and pointed at the baby bump, careful not to touch.

"There's a person in there?"

Brynn carefully took the child's hand and placed it on the swell of her abdomen.

"Yes, his father is around here somewhere."

Miranda hadn't seen Jacob since leaving the Normandy.

"How is Jacob?"

Brynn seemed to brighten at the prospect of talking about the man she'd come to love.

"He's been reinvigorated these last few months. The Alliance has removed the label of terrorist from his file and asked him to return. Now with the talk of a Galactic fighting force Shepard has him reviewing the dossiers of potential recruits."

Miranda looked down to notice the Asari child seemed lost in thought.

"Is everything alright Zia?"

She looked up.

"How do humans have children like Asari?"

Miranda was taken aback by the question.

"That is a question for your father?"

"Why?"

_Asari take a communal approach to child rearing. She isn't accustomed to human parenting etiquette._

"Humans leave it to the biological parents to explain such things. "

The asari shrugged.

"Humans are weird."

The child caught sight of her friend Nyxerna and ran off.

"She's cute. How do you know her?"

Miranda turned her attention back to the human woman.

"She's the Commander's daughter."

"So he was dating the Asari. I thought as much."

Miranda didn't want to think of Zia's mother. She changed the subject quickly.

"So did you help with EDI's reactivation?"

"She's not online yet, but yes. The majority of the work was done by Tali. She's incredibly talented. My work on the crucible and with Tali has proven the failings of Cerberus."

Miranda nodded her agreement as she looked over at the chassis that awaited EDI's return.

"The Collector mission allowed me to come to the same conclusions. So what are the chances this is going to work?"

"It will work. I'm positive of that much. Once the Commander finishes out there we will reactivate her."

The conversation was brought to an end by the sound of Joker yelling across the room.

"Finally, Shepard's here can we flip the switch, hit the button, or whatever it is you do to get this started."

Miranda turned to see the Commander move through the room. She noticed the way he commanded attention with merely his presence. Once again Zia was streaking across the gap to collide with her father. He picked her up and Miranda heard the question she'd asked once more repeated. His response surprised her.

"We'll meld about it later."

The child nodded and they walked forward until he stood before EDI. He nodded towards Tali who entered a few commands into her omni tool and everyone waited on bated breath.

The platform used to house EDI powered up and its head lifted and then nothing happened. Joker approached slowly. He ran a hand over her cheek.

"EDI are you alright."

"I am fine Jeff. However my chronometer indicates I was deactivated for quite some time"

The Commander stepped forward.

"That was my fault. The crucible knocked out all Artificial Intelligence. Joker can fill you in later. I'm just glad to have you back."

"I see you have met your daughter. Might I ask where is Dr. T'Soni?"

She noted the brief look between father and daughter. His voice was oddly devoid of sadness as he spoke.

"She didn't make it. You knew about Zia?"

"My condolences. I was unaware of her existence until we were en route to Earth. Dr. T'Soni requested I notify you should anything happen to her. We did not anticipate my deactivation."

He nodded.

"Understood. Joker will get you up to speed on everything that's happened in the last few months. I need to get back to the Geth. As you can imagine they are concerned about the possible use of the Cruicble as a weapon against them in the future. We are going to work out a plan to develop countermeasures.

He turned and started to leave before noticing Miranda. He approached her instead of leaving.

"I thought you were leaving."

She nodded.

"I wanted to see EDI reactivated first. I also wanted to make sure I said a proper goodbye to Zia."

The child reached out to Miranda who took the child from her father. The child tightly wrapped her arms around the woman.

"I don't want you to go."

Miranda could hear the sadness in her voice. She rubbed her back in response.

"I know. I promise I will be back."

The child pulled away in order to look into her eyes.

"You promise."

"I promise, no one in their right mind would be able to stay away from you. You're just too bloody cute."

The Asari frowned in response.

"You said you weren't in your right mind. That only a crazy person would follow my fadder around the Galaxy fighting monsters."

She couldn't help but laugh.

"So I did, but I don't follow him around anymore. I think I've regained my sanity."

She seemed satisfied and kissed the human on the cheek. _I may never be a mother, but having this child love me may be enough._

"Hurry back."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes."

She looked at Shepard.

"Is everyone in your family born to lead?"

He smiled as he took his daughter back.

"It seems so doesn't it? Take care of yourself Miranda."

She watched the pride in his eyes.

"I always do."

She turned and left. She had one more task before leaving. Yet she couldn't help but feel happy. _I have focused on what I do not have for far too long. I have so much more than I did before I met him. I don't need him to love me to be happy. I just need to know he has found happiness._


End file.
